Unlike most holidays, Halloween has a sneaky way of dividing parents into splintered camps: those who love it, those who hate it, and those who wonder what all the Boo-Hooing is about. Here's a look at some of the different ways parents approach the mystical All Hallows Eve.
WHY DO SOME PARENTS FREAK OUT ABOUT HALLOWEEN?
Most, but not all, of the families that choose to abstain from trick-or-treating and carving jack-o-lanterns do so for religious reasons. Does that mean they are stern-faced Puritans who don't appreciate a little whimsy in their lives? Not at all. They're the same kids who loved playing dress-up and hide-and-seek at your house yesterday. However, the underlying history of this particular holiday makes them kind of uneasy.
Halloween can be traced back to 500 B.C., when Celtics in Ireland celebrated October 31 with a festival honoring Samhain, the god of the Dead. (That's the first problem. Halloween's linked to a pagan rite.) The Celtics believed the spirits of people who had died the previous year were set free to roam the earth and could not go to their final resting place until they were given "treats" (for their own enjoyment or to bribe the god who ruled the next world).
The Celtic response to these roaming spirits was rather schizophrenic. For instance, if they had not been especially friendly to those who had died, some Celtics would extinguish fires in their homes so as not to attract vengeful spirits bent on "tricking" or punishing them. More stubborn Celtics built huge bonfires to run the same spirits off. They would dress up in ghoulish costumes either to blend in with the spirits ("Hey, I'm one of you, so don't hurt me!"), or to appear so ghastly that even the spirits would be scared away ("Boo!"). Depending upon whether you were a macho or a wimpy Celtic, you had a couple of different responses you could take with these undesirables in your neighborhood.
When that cute little ghost trips up your front steps on October 31, in the minds of some parents, she's actually imitating one of those gruesome spirits demanding a tribute to take to the Netherworld. That goes for all the weenie witches, mumbling mummies, and bloody bodies, whether it's just food coloring or not.
Black cats? They represent transformed witches and dead spirits.
Bobbing for apples? Pagans used that to divine the spiritual world's blessings on a couple's future happiness.
Jack-o-lanterns? Those also come from Irish folklore, which tells of an evil man named Jack who managed to trick the devil. When Jack died, heaven wouldn't take him and the devil couldn't. So the devil threw a hot coal at him, Jack captured it and stuck it in a pumpkin, and now he uses it to light his way as he canvases the earth. The Celtics also used grossly carved turnips with candles in them to scare away the aforementioned pesky dead relatives.
Magicians, sorcerors, and elves? Goblins, gargoyles and gypsies? All use dark powers to work their will on others.
How about if I just dress up like a "white" witch? Sorry. A witch is a witch is a witch.
Bummer! This casts a shadow on everything! What do we do now?
Some parents say not to worry about it. "At this age, I don't think they have any understanding of all that," says Lisa Carter, a Lee's Summit, Missouri mom who loves trick-or-treating with her children, Rachel (6-1/2), Sheri (4), and Nick (7 mos.) "Now, if I had a 13-year-old who wanted to wear black lipstick and a Marilyn Manson t-shirt, I'd be worried. That would really bother me. But when you see a little girl in a lacy orange dress, that's so far from satanism, it has nothing to do with it, as far as I'm concerned."
Other parents are a little more hesitant. Some even say, forget it -- we're not participating at all. "Parents who choose this course need to explain to their children why they have taken this stand and give them strong encouragement," advises Bob Passantino in his essay, What About Halloween? (1990). "Their children will undoubtedly experience some teasing or ridicule from their friends and schoolmates."
"Yes, there is a definite need to provide our youth with alternatives to dark forms of entertainment," says Mat Casner, a former Kansas City youth pastor. "Pop culture's fascination with the occult (witches, Goth, etc.) is turning into an obsession. We need to educate our kids, and even our adults, that things we used to consider as harmless fun have the potential to be very dangerous today."
Even with the religious aspect aside, the overall scariness of Halloween and safety issues still give many moms and dads the willies.
"Adults are charged with the responsibility of keeping kids safe," says Dr. John Helgeson of Ozanam Home for Boys. "Keep in mind where the children are developmentally. It is normal and worthwhile for kids to be involved with activities involving delight, anticipation and surprise, such as are common in childhood stories. But parents need to discern when an activity – whether it's a movie, game or Halloween – is no longer safe and healthy, and crosses the line into dangerous and traumatizing."
Rhonda Stock, a Lenexa, Kansas mom, remembers feeling uneasy about her kindergartner son, Jason, passing through the gruesomely-decorated sixth grade hallway as part of the school Halloween Parade. "Emphasis was on violence, cemetaries and ghoulishness, which is very appealing to sixth graders, but totally inappropriate for kindergartners and the other younger grades." Jason is now twelve, and, to his mother's relief, the school district has softened its approach to Halloween. "Now, they de-emphasize violence, gore and mayhem, and instead concentrate on silly, fun and gross stuff."
BUT KIDS STILL WANNA HAVE FUN
So what can we do to lighten this holiday up a bit? Let's take a look at some alternatives to the traditional blood and gore.
If you're uneasy about the way your particular school is approaching celebrating Halloween, consider how you can implement change. You can always keep your child home the day of the party and enjoy a special memory-making family activity that doesn't relate to Halloween. Or you can take a proactive stance at school and voice your opinion – respectfully.
Volunteer to be on the party planning committee so you have input on the choice of activities. Talk with the school administrator and suggest some alternative themes. For instance, you might promote a fall festival or harvest party that skirts around spooky motifs. Or a costume party that features famous people from history or literature. "I think the reason kids love Halloween so much is that it's glorified dress-up with the added benefit of candy – two of kids' favorite things," says Lisa Carter. Once we remove the scary overtones, the holiday becomes more acceptable to edgy parents.
Ken Rimmer, National Distinguished Principal of the Year for the State of Missouri (1998), encourages parents to voice their concerns or suggestions for change in a face-to-face meeting, rather than in a letter, which may be misinterpreted. "Together, let's talk about how we can come up with a compromise or some kind of solution. We both want to have a safe learning environment, so let's find some areas we can agree on, whether we're talking about the Halloween party or some other issue."
Few parochial schools celebrate Halloween, but many churches sponsor alternative parties on Halloween night. At Olathe Bible Church in Olathe, Kansas, "Neewollah" rules. (That's Halloween spelled backwards.) The idea is to turn scariness upside-down. In the past, this gruesome-less gathering has featured hayrides and bonfires, and carnivals with kids in Bible character costumes. OBC encourages its members to participate in the "Every Home a Lighthouse" program, in which families flood their houses with light, burning candles and turning on every bulb. (The idea is to counteract the dark and dinginess of "haunted houses".) They cut crosses into pumpkins instead of freaky faces, and pass out candy with tracts that talk about God's love for children.
Jody Jarrett, an independent contemporary Christian recording artist based in Kansas City, takes her daughters, Jessica (11) and Joy (8), to Evangel Temple's Family Fun Fest in South Kansas City. "It's an alternative to the heinous things that can happen. There are people out there that prey on Halloween, who are waiting for guards to be dropped. But this is well-lit and highly supervised. A lot of people are turning toward churches because they are a safe haven. The kids' welfare is the first and foremost concern.
"Children can dress up if they want, but nothing demonic or scary. If some kids do show up dressed that way, we just ask that they take their mask off, turn their costume inside out, and come on in. They can still participate. It's no different than going into a restaurant where they don't allow smoking. You abide by the rules."
WHY DO SOME PARENTS FREAK OUT ABOUT HALLOWEEN?
Most, but not all, of the families that choose to abstain from trick-or-treating and carving jack-o-lanterns do so for religious reasons. Does that mean they are stern-faced Puritans who don't appreciate a little whimsy in their lives? Not at all. They're the same kids who loved playing dress-up and hide-and-seek at your house yesterday. However, the underlying history of this particular holiday makes them kind of uneasy.
Halloween can be traced back to 500 B.C., when Celtics in Ireland celebrated October 31 with a festival honoring Samhain, the god of the Dead. (That's the first problem. Halloween's linked to a pagan rite.) The Celtics believed the spirits of people who had died the previous year were set free to roam the earth and could not go to their final resting place until they were given "treats" (for their own enjoyment or to bribe the god who ruled the next world).
The Celtic response to these roaming spirits was rather schizophrenic. For instance, if they had not been especially friendly to those who had died, some Celtics would extinguish fires in their homes so as not to attract vengeful spirits bent on "tricking" or punishing them. More stubborn Celtics built huge bonfires to run the same spirits off. They would dress up in ghoulish costumes either to blend in with the spirits ("Hey, I'm one of you, so don't hurt me!"), or to appear so ghastly that even the spirits would be scared away ("Boo!"). Depending upon whether you were a macho or a wimpy Celtic, you had a couple of different responses you could take with these undesirables in your neighborhood.
When that cute little ghost trips up your front steps on October 31, in the minds of some parents, she's actually imitating one of those gruesome spirits demanding a tribute to take to the Netherworld. That goes for all the weenie witches, mumbling mummies, and bloody bodies, whether it's just food coloring or not.
Black cats? They represent transformed witches and dead spirits.
Bobbing for apples? Pagans used that to divine the spiritual world's blessings on a couple's future happiness.
Jack-o-lanterns? Those also come from Irish folklore, which tells of an evil man named Jack who managed to trick the devil. When Jack died, heaven wouldn't take him and the devil couldn't. So the devil threw a hot coal at him, Jack captured it and stuck it in a pumpkin, and now he uses it to light his way as he canvases the earth. The Celtics also used grossly carved turnips with candles in them to scare away the aforementioned pesky dead relatives.
Magicians, sorcerors, and elves? Goblins, gargoyles and gypsies? All use dark powers to work their will on others.
How about if I just dress up like a "white" witch? Sorry. A witch is a witch is a witch.
Bummer! This casts a shadow on everything! What do we do now?
Some parents say not to worry about it. "At this age, I don't think they have any understanding of all that," says Lisa Carter, a Lee's Summit, Missouri mom who loves trick-or-treating with her children, Rachel (6-1/2), Sheri (4), and Nick (7 mos.) "Now, if I had a 13-year-old who wanted to wear black lipstick and a Marilyn Manson t-shirt, I'd be worried. That would really bother me. But when you see a little girl in a lacy orange dress, that's so far from satanism, it has nothing to do with it, as far as I'm concerned."
Other parents are a little more hesitant. Some even say, forget it -- we're not participating at all. "Parents who choose this course need to explain to their children why they have taken this stand and give them strong encouragement," advises Bob Passantino in his essay, What About Halloween? (1990). "Their children will undoubtedly experience some teasing or ridicule from their friends and schoolmates."
"Yes, there is a definite need to provide our youth with alternatives to dark forms of entertainment," says Mat Casner, a former Kansas City youth pastor. "Pop culture's fascination with the occult (witches, Goth, etc.) is turning into an obsession. We need to educate our kids, and even our adults, that things we used to consider as harmless fun have the potential to be very dangerous today."
Even with the religious aspect aside, the overall scariness of Halloween and safety issues still give many moms and dads the willies.
"Adults are charged with the responsibility of keeping kids safe," says Dr. John Helgeson of Ozanam Home for Boys. "Keep in mind where the children are developmentally. It is normal and worthwhile for kids to be involved with activities involving delight, anticipation and surprise, such as are common in childhood stories. But parents need to discern when an activity – whether it's a movie, game or Halloween – is no longer safe and healthy, and crosses the line into dangerous and traumatizing."
Rhonda Stock, a Lenexa, Kansas mom, remembers feeling uneasy about her kindergartner son, Jason, passing through the gruesomely-decorated sixth grade hallway as part of the school Halloween Parade. "Emphasis was on violence, cemetaries and ghoulishness, which is very appealing to sixth graders, but totally inappropriate for kindergartners and the other younger grades." Jason is now twelve, and, to his mother's relief, the school district has softened its approach to Halloween. "Now, they de-emphasize violence, gore and mayhem, and instead concentrate on silly, fun and gross stuff."
BUT KIDS STILL WANNA HAVE FUN
So what can we do to lighten this holiday up a bit? Let's take a look at some alternatives to the traditional blood and gore.
If you're uneasy about the way your particular school is approaching celebrating Halloween, consider how you can implement change. You can always keep your child home the day of the party and enjoy a special memory-making family activity that doesn't relate to Halloween. Or you can take a proactive stance at school and voice your opinion – respectfully.
Volunteer to be on the party planning committee so you have input on the choice of activities. Talk with the school administrator and suggest some alternative themes. For instance, you might promote a fall festival or harvest party that skirts around spooky motifs. Or a costume party that features famous people from history or literature. "I think the reason kids love Halloween so much is that it's glorified dress-up with the added benefit of candy – two of kids' favorite things," says Lisa Carter. Once we remove the scary overtones, the holiday becomes more acceptable to edgy parents.
Ken Rimmer, National Distinguished Principal of the Year for the State of Missouri (1998), encourages parents to voice their concerns or suggestions for change in a face-to-face meeting, rather than in a letter, which may be misinterpreted. "Together, let's talk about how we can come up with a compromise or some kind of solution. We both want to have a safe learning environment, so let's find some areas we can agree on, whether we're talking about the Halloween party or some other issue."
Few parochial schools celebrate Halloween, but many churches sponsor alternative parties on Halloween night. At Olathe Bible Church in Olathe, Kansas, "Neewollah" rules. (That's Halloween spelled backwards.) The idea is to turn scariness upside-down. In the past, this gruesome-less gathering has featured hayrides and bonfires, and carnivals with kids in Bible character costumes. OBC encourages its members to participate in the "Every Home a Lighthouse" program, in which families flood their houses with light, burning candles and turning on every bulb. (The idea is to counteract the dark and dinginess of "haunted houses".) They cut crosses into pumpkins instead of freaky faces, and pass out candy with tracts that talk about God's love for children.
Jody Jarrett, an independent contemporary Christian recording artist based in Kansas City, takes her daughters, Jessica (11) and Joy (8), to Evangel Temple's Family Fun Fest in South Kansas City. "It's an alternative to the heinous things that can happen. There are people out there that prey on Halloween, who are waiting for guards to be dropped. But this is well-lit and highly supervised. A lot of people are turning toward churches because they are a safe haven. The kids' welfare is the first and foremost concern.
"Children can dress up if they want, but nothing demonic or scary. If some kids do show up dressed that way, we just ask that they take their mask off, turn their costume inside out, and come on in. They can still participate. It's no different than going into a restaurant where they don't allow smoking. You abide by the rules."
