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Feeling Crummy!

post #1 of 5
11/12/02 at 12:22am
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When I was two months pregnant with what I thought was our first child, my husband received a letter in the mail stating that he had a four year old little boy (Daniel) with a one night stand. The paternity test was done and he is Daniel's father. The mom keeps abusing Daniel and he's been taken away about four times by CPS. We never got custody though because they live in NY and we are in TX. They said he would be too far from his mom. Well, I guess they had enough of her finally and I think we may be getting him soon. I know the situation here would be much better for him and my heart aches thinking of the abuse he has endured, but there is a little part of me that does not want him here. How awful is that? I feel horrible about it, but we are living with my parents right now and struggling extremely hard to care of our daughter. My mom even buys diapers and food for my daughter sometimes because we can't afford it; even though we both work. I don't want her to have to help us support him too. Is it wrong to fill this way?
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post #2 of 5
11/12/02 at 11:41pm
That is a tough situation to be in. My hubby and I are going through some very similar stuff regarding his oldest daughter. If you ever need to talk feel free to email or pm me.
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post #3 of 5
11/13/02 at 12:33am
I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time....I knwo that dealign wtth one child is hard enough....but when there is all of a sudden a second (and older) one....adn a step child it is harder. Your feeligns are completley normal. The situation is not one that you chose to get into.....and because this woman is a complete moron....you are being thrown into another difficult position

Please knwo we are all here fo ryou if you need to talk/vent/whatever........Your feelings are normal...and it is ok to feel this way......and if you end up taking your step son in....then please seek some professional help to help get you over these feelings....
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post #4 of 5
3/20/09 at 5:03pm

Re: Feeling Crummy!

I think you just have to be as honest as you can be with everyone involved. Certainly removing this child from his abusive mother is very important, but protecting your own family is equally so. I also find myself in a difficult custody arrangement, with all responsiblity on us, not the child's mother. There is often talk of going for full custody, but I admit the idea sometimes scares me alot. The worst part if, letting go of plans that you had made or ideas of a future that will be sooo different than what you thought! I agree with the lady above, you should talk to someone who can give you legal and personal assitance, you cannot do it alone! Best wishes.
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post #5 of 5
3/20/09 at 9:15pm

Perfectly normal.

I think your reaction is perfectly normal. Your first instinct, as is any parents, is to protect, nurture and insure that your child gets top priority over everything else including someone elses kids. Its the poor parent that doesn't care about their kids.

But you logically recognize that this child needs help, its your duty - so to speak - to help your husband, and anyway the kid is coming. Recognizing the problem is half the battle.

I suspect that once the kids gets there and settles in to your routine you'll find yourself coming to care for the kid much more than you suspected you every would. And look, don't beat yourself up because you love your kid more. I've got a secret for you. Every parents has a favorite. The trick is to not let the kids know it.

In my case it didn't work - Mom loved my brother more than me.

But that's a story for another time and place.

If you find you're not getting used to the kid like you think you should don't hesitate to talk things over or admit this to your friends or parents who you can trust and can help. If that fails then try family counseling. I know money is tight but just two or three sessions should give you a lot of ideas. If it takes longer than that you've got the wrong counsellor.
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