"We've been trying to get intouch with you."

What are some people thinking??

Do they have their heads up their butts all of the time?? At any rate, have you considered getting Callwave?? I have it and i never miss a call when I'm online. You can't talk to them while you are online, but you can receive their message and call them back. Just a thought.

Wolfy, Billy's family does the same thing to us - and we have an answering machine!! We often leave the phone ringer off because of Alexander sleeping or simply because we just don't want to be bothered. The ILs will call and when the answering machine picks up, they hang up. Then when they do reach us, they say "I tried calling but you didn't answer." Or - and this really annoys me - they'll sit on the answering machine saying "Hi, it's mom, can you pick up? Billy, Lisa, are you there?". I have told them that on principal if I am home and they start saying that I will not answer. An answering machine is so someone can leave a message - it is NOT a pager!!

So, I can see how frustrated you are. It sounds like they have several ways to get in touch with you and just don't want to use them. If they got you an answering machine, they'd probably ignore it half the time as well!!

(By the way, Peter has always been one of my favorite names for a boy. Billy wouldn't let me use it with Alexander, but I have talked him into using it as a middle name with our next child if it is a boy!! )

Poor I would be p_ ssed off. I don't way they do that to you. I hope later they will come around and make sure you get the messages you need to get. I wish the best for you.

THIS CRACKES ME UP!!

I can sooo relate as my mother in law will tell us the same thing but big mistake we have call waiting and and voice mail! I tell her "we have voice mail" She goes" Oh I hate talking to those things!" mean while I know she didn't call anyway cause her number never came up on caller id!! DAH!!

My MIL does the same thing to us. We have caller ID so sometimes we are just trying to avoid her calls--mean, maybe but sometimes we just have to in order to keep our sanity! The funniest is when she calls my dh at work and tells him that I am sitting at home on the computer and it is making it to where she cannot get through. Well, we have a seperate ISDN line for the pc so it has nothing to do with it!!

"We've been trying to get in touch with you."

Hmmm. I have not had such experiences yet with my boyfriend's mother. However, I have had some extremely disturbing run-ins with her.
Once I was supposed to meet Steve after having a dinner at my firm and it got out and hour earlier than I'd predicted. So, I called to see if he was there and we could meet anyways. He wasn't, but I figured he might be there by the time I got there. So, I went there and rang the doorbell. She answered the door and said to me, "Steve isn't here - you can see his car isn't here - I don't know why you came." AND SHE SHUT THE DOOR ON ME!
This is probably the worst incident I've ever had with her... but the first day I met her, she didn't want to see anyone (that can be understandable once in a while - but I have never felt like she wanted me to be there). I told myself the first few times she was like that that she was having a hard time and was just going through something. Well, after eleven months, I don't think she's just going through something anymore. The reality, I believe, is that she can't get over the 18-year age difference between Steve and I and she thinks I'm not good enough for him because I'm so young.
Steve is very defensive about his mother, too. And tonight I realized I feel like I'm in competition with her!

One thing, though... I think as people grow older they feel like they don't have to be as careful towards people anymore. Steve tells me he thinks his mother feels she has lived a full life and doesn't need to deal with any crap anymore. And while I do not believe anyone has a right to "let down their guard" and just start being obnoxious to people because you're tired of being nice, at least maybe this will help you understand what might be going on with your in-laws.
I think your best approach would be to let them know it bothers you that they didn't leave a message for you, at least, which does not require much, because you care about how the family is doing.
Sometimes if you blatantly express yourself as having a valid concern, it will have a better impact on their reaction.

Thanks for listening to my prob, too!
Good luck with your in-laws!

FirstOnTheWay I wanted to Welcome you to Baby U. I am glad you joined us.

I am sorry MIL or that way. My MIL still acts that way, like no one is good enough for her son or son's. Do you really think it is the age? or do you think it is a Mother's way of saying my baby is better then you? I don't know, just asking.

Sorry hun. That would irritate me too!!

Thanks :)

Thanks for your compassion.
I'm sure our age difference has A LOT to do with it. She may also have some of the tendency to feel nobody is good enough for her sons, though. Steve has told me that when his younger brother got married, his mother and sister-in-law didn't get along very well at first. I think now that there are grandchildren, she has a reason to be nicer to his sister-in-law.
But, in general, I find her to be a very strange woman. She can't stand her neighbors (and maybe for some good reason), but she seems to want to seclude herself from the world that she finds unbearable.
I don't want to plaster her personal life, though.
Thanks again.

FirstOnTheWay,
I don't blame you. Maybe she has a depression problem, or it might be she likes to be alone. I don't know she could be looking for attention and is going the wrong way about it. I wish I had the answers but I don't. You know Men have a hard time figuring women out, I also think at times Women have trouble figuring out other Women.

Hey Wolfy!

Sort of as an aside, download Callwave. It is a free internet answering machine. It just costs us $1/month for the phone company to do call forward on busy. We had to get it because my DH is on call for work all the time. It is cool because as soon as the message is recorded, it is played over your computer speakers! Never miss a call while online! Check it out at www.callwave.com.

Depression... probably

I would place my bet on some kind of depression, personally... although she doesn't exhibit extreme mood swings... she's always like that. But I really doubt she's looking for attention.
But those were both excellent suggestions considering you don't know her.
Personally, I've given up on trying to understand her. The only person who can help her is her, so what would be the point of me trying to understand her? It's just REALLY a shame. I've never had this problem with any of my ex's mothers (or fathers), although only one guy I ever went out with had parents who were still together.
The part that worries me most, though, is the tension it creates between Steve and I. He is very defensive of his mother... that's the reason I realized I was feeling like I was in competition with her. He will defend her to no end and get very mad at me when I talk to him about her.
I suppose I really shouldn't talk about her, anyways... I'm not that kind of person to begin with... I find people who talk about other people..............uncooth, I guess, and they seem untrustworthy.
So, on that note, I shall say no more. Thanks for your responses! I appreciate your understanding.

FirstOnTheWay, I don't really feel you are gossiping about Your MIL. We are strangers and you are venting. Yes we sort of have a friendship, but if I was to walk in front of you. Would you really know who I am. I am sorry you feel bad about venting your frustrations. Hang in there and I hope things get better for you and You MIL, don't let it tear you and Steve apart.

When I said that I thought she might be depressed or just likes being alone, or trying to get attention. I really don't know I was just venting an idea. I wouldn't know. I hope I didn't cause you any hard feelings.

No, I was not offended. Thank you for venting with me.
Steve is a very complex person, though, and I know he would be very upset, too, if he knew I was talking about her.
But the other thing is, I just need to stop dwelling on it, I think. Otherwise, it will remain on my mind and I will continue to talk about it with him, which has only made our relationship tense and I feel it's time to move on.
Thanks again!!! I really appreciate your help.

So Sorry

....you all are having to deal with these things. I imagine it would create a strain on your relationship with your spouse. As long as you all realize that the in-laws have nothing to do with your relationship with each other. Your marriage is the most important thing-not to say you should be mean or anything to your inlaws. It is tough I know. I have had a few bumps along the way with my parents in the last 9 years, but we all love and respect each other. Hang in there!!

RE: So Sorry

Actually, I do realize that my relationship with his mother has nothing to do with my relationship with him... but he deosn't see that. He is constantly trying to get me to come to terms with his mother... I mean, he wants me to make ammends with a person who I feel I have not wronged and neither have the motivation to truly make a good relationship with her.
She is a recovered alcolohic... with the residue of bitterness because of what she did to her body and mind. Truly, the only way to "make ammends" with her would be for me to kiss her keester like Steve does and I'm just not going to do that. I don't feel any need to. We "get along" with the way our relationship is now, so I do not feel the need to improve it. And I also do not feel the need to act as though I've wronged her when I feel I haven't.
When Steve and I first started seeing each other, she would get annoyed whenever I called! Because it bothered her emotionally that the call was not for her. But she was bitter towards me for it. I believe the years of alcoholism destroyed a lot of her logical thinking... I think most people would realize that, although it's nice to receive a call and it can be a pain to answer the phone and it's for someone else, it isn't the person's fault that called.
Another thing, she was a nurse and so now, because of the sleeping pattern she had from working as a nurse, she sleeps during the day (she goes to bed at around 2-4am and wakes up around 12-2pm). It really aggrevated her when I called while she was sleeping... that's understandable in a way - nobody likes having the phone ring while they are sleeping... but I didn't call that much, usually only on weekends... and why does she have to sleep at such odd hours, anyways?

OK, I need to stop talking about her again.
Thanks everyone for your input.

I could tell you horror stories about my inlaws when Rick and I first got together. Those first 4-5 years were tough; mainly because I refuse to keep my mouth shut when I don't like something. Eventually, though, everything begins to get better. Hang in there and try not to let it get to you.