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SIL Pregnant!!!

post #1 of 30
12/27/02 at 3:33pm
Thread Starter 
Oh my goodness! So my SIL is pregnant she is only 17, and is sooo irresponsible! She drinks and so does her 27 year old bf. He is an alcholic. They do drugs. The cops are always there because the fight alot and they don't even work! And we do not get along at all. DH and I both aggreed that they do not need to have a baby. She is always making comments about my weight when I go over there. And after I had my son, that is the one thing that I don't like being commented about. But leave it to her and my MIL to call me a HEFFER!! And just make rude comments. Usually I am pretty good at standin up for myself and being the queen of sarcasim but, almost everytime I leave there I am in tears. DH yells at them and tells me that I am beautiful, and that I don't need to worry about what they are saying, but it still hurts. Anyways DH wants me to let her use all my prego books and clothes because he says that she needs all the help she can get, but I don't want to help her at all. As a matter of fact I hope she blows up like a balloon with this baby!! Am I wrong?? Please I need advice.........
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post #2 of 30
12/27/02 at 3:45pm
Well, I can certainly understand not wanting to help her after the way she has treated you. Maybe you can give her all the things you don't like or didn't use? Maybe you can help teach her to grow up and show her what a good parent is. Sounds like she is going to need all the help she can get. Perhaps having a wonderful example of how a mother and adult is supposed to behave will help her become the parent she needs to be.

Sounds like you need a few.
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post #3 of 30
12/27/02 at 6:31pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the advice and I can see what you are saying its just hard for me to get to the point of being nice. Urgh!! I Can't stand it!! The only thing is that if I lend her the books, I want them back just in case I have another baby, ya know. An I am not 100% sure that I would get them back in one piece.
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post #4 of 30
12/27/02 at 6:37pm
I hope that she helps herself to a better lifestyle for the sake of her baby.
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post #5 of 30
12/27/02 at 7:19pm
Why not go to a second hand store and get her some used books thatshe can do whatever she wants with....that way you don't have to worry about not getting yours back....
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post #6 of 30
12/27/02 at 7:36pm
I have the perfect solution... you can be helpful and help contribute to her blowing up like a balloon... lend her the books, clothes and give her a huge batch of homemade treats. Tell her she is eating for two now....

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post #7 of 30
12/27/02 at 7:38pm
Forgot to say that I feel terrible for that poor child to be born into a situation like that. Hopefully mommy and daddy to be will do a lot of growing up before that baby gets here. You might not like the mommy, but be there for the child, you might be the only sane people he/she will be around!
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post #8 of 30
12/27/02 at 9:23pm
Personally, I probably wouldn't do it. I can't bring myself to be quite that sweet to someone whose been mean to me and called me names that made me cry. I'm afraid I'm not that forgiving. Besides, you only have one child and you may need those things again. Even if you don't, it's not really a good gift if you are feeling resentful every step of the way. Healthwise it doesn't sound like there is any reason why she and her bf can't get jobs to take care of themselves and their child - especially him. I'm afraid I'm not that sympathic to her situation. Maybe I am not a good one to listen to. Sorry.
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post #9 of 30
12/30/02 at 9:46am
I am not sympathetic to her situation either, I just feel sorry for a child who is being brought into the world into a bad situation! That poor baby didn't ask for this set of irresponsible parents, and no matter how badly I had been treated, I would try to be there to help the baby, not the parents! I hope they get their acts together for the sake of the baby!!
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post #10 of 30
12/30/02 at 11:44am
Thread Starter 
I am not that forgivable either! I have no intrest in helping her AT ALL! Except to help her get fat, so the idea of feeding her to a frenzy is a great idea . As far as being there for the baby, DH an I have already decided that if anything happens we are taking the baby. She just thinks that this is so cool, and that its going to be so easy. We have already told her that she needs to grow up and relieze whats going on. Her bf told her that she needs to get an abortion. Even though they have heard the babys heart beat and everything. Plus she already got her first ultrasound. Ah!! They make me so mad. I feel so bad for that baby.
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post #11 of 30
12/30/02 at 12:16pm
I like the Idea of getting her the used books. THen she can read about how to take care of herself while she is pregnant. More to protect the baby. also feed her alot. She is eating for two!!! THats what I wanted to do with my SIL. She went around at my baby shower telling my friends (we were pg at the same time) that I was going to have a moose and she was going to have a piete little baby. How nervy is that?
Feed the need!!!

here are some hugs that you need too!! Keep your chin up and start baking!!
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post #12 of 30
12/30/02 at 3:40pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks you guys! Its nice to hear that I am not the only one that has rude inlaws.
Heres to my dear SIL
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post #13 of 30
12/31/02 at 11:54am
OMGosh, that poor poor baby.
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post #14 of 30
1/3/03 at 10:29am
Is she still drinking ansd doing drugs while shes prego? Maybe give her a book or two, along with books on what drugs and alcohol can do to a growing baby. Maybe it'll give her a reality check and help her get straightened out.
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post #15 of 30
1/3/03 at 4:30pm
If she is, as sad it might be for all the family, I would report her so that she has to stay clean through out the pregnancy. They will test her throughout! There are enough babies born on drugs as it is!
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post #16 of 30
1/3/03 at 4:39pm
I don't know how they do things in Florida. I think in WV they do test you for drugs at every OB appointment. At first, they certainlly asked me about it constantly. Lately, they've been asking me about it again, but that is the neurology bunch not the OB doctor.
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post #17 of 30
1/3/03 at 5:57pm
Thread Starter 
Well I just talked to her today and she told me that they tested her at her first appointment and it was positive for drugs so now they are testing her everytime she goes which is every other week. And they told her that if its positive again they will have the child taken away from her when she does give birth.
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post #18 of 30
1/3/03 at 5:59pm
Well, maybe at last she'll shape up. Drugs aren't good for her either let alone her unborn baby.
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post #19 of 30
1/3/03 at 6:03pm
Thread Starter 
AND not to mention she told me that she has been drinking!!!! That her Mom (which is an alcoholic) said that it would be fine! Mind you she is only in the first few weeks!!!
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post #20 of 30
1/3/03 at 7:30pm
Oh I just want to your MIL for telling her daughter something so untrue and so harmful. I really hope your SIL grows up a lot in the next few weeks. I really don't understand how a girl living this sort of wild lifestyle with a bf 10 years older than she is neglected to educate herself about birth control. At 27, he's surely heard of and used condoms before.
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post #21 of 30
1/3/03 at 7:42pm
I know you don't like her (I don't like one of my SILs either), but maybe you can help her just for the babies sake. I would think of it only as helping the baby out. And I bet she will balloon up real big. It's Karma.
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post #22 of 30
1/8/03 at 10:33am
Thread Starter 
Well, I lent her my books! I decided to be nice, and mostly help that poor baby. I guess she hasn't been gaining weight she is just losing. So does anyone know what would cause that? Her bf says that all she does is sit at home all day and eat (no job)?? Sounds weird huh?
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post #23 of 30
1/10/03 at 10:02am
Is she having morning sickness? I know she would lose weight then, but if she isn't and she is constantly eating, who knows! Does the doctor know she has been drinking also? Maybe an annoymous call should be made. It is going to be so hard for that baby if he/she has to be born addicted to alcohol or drugs! I just want to shake some sense into her, especially when there are so many women on here who are trying so hard to get pregnant and are doing everything right, to have this little twit be pregnant and not even seem to care about the welfare of her child. MAKES ME VERY MAD!!!
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post #24 of 30
1/11/03 at 2:20pm

SIL Pregnant

I know you probably do not want to hear this, but you should do all you can for her and be a good example. I have never gotten along real well with my SIL and about 2 months ago she was diagnosed with a rare, fast spreading form of cancer. It has made me re-evalute things with her. She does not treat me any better,
but I am trying very hard to treat her better. As much as I do not like her sometimes, I do not want her to die.

The possibilty of death makes you realize that family is family no matter how much you can not stand them.

Try to do what you can for her. Not because she deserves it, but because it will make you a better person.
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post #25 of 30
1/13/03 at 10:01am
Wow, that is so true. I am very sorry to hear about your SIL!
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post #26 of 30
1/13/03 at 10:32am
Thank You. Actually we got some great new this weekend. My SIL had a Cat Scan and the tumors in her lungs are 75% reduced. She has to take one more round of Chemotherapy and they think that may take care of it. After that she will have to have the tumor from her hip removed and a partial or full hip replacement depending on where the tumor is. This is a lot for a 29 year old woman to have to go through, but she has been a real trooper.
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post #27 of 30
1/17/03 at 6:41pm
I lost 12 pounds when I got pregnant. My cousin also lost weight at first too. Of course, we were both all the time for the first 5 (in her case) 6 in my case - months.
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post #28 of 30
1/17/03 at 8:57pm
If you know for sure she is drinking while pregnant you have the responsibility to report her to the dept of children and families, or HRS or whatever they call it where you live. As harsh as that seems, if you really do care about the baby you will do it. If the drinking doesn't stop the child could suffer irreparable brain damage and be permanently mentally challenged (fetal alcohol syndrome). I'm sure if that happens she will be more than happy to turn the child over to you so she can carry on with her moronic ways.
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post #29 of 30
12/12/03 at 8:38pm
How are things going now?
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post #30 of 30
12/16/03 at 12:13pm
Wow, how incredibly rude and stupid of them to say such things to you. I wouldn't want to help either. And since your dh is the one that wants to help how about sending him to the second hand store. Big to you...I really hope things work out.
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