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Advice for a friend

post #1 of 10
2/7/03 at 1:40pm
Thread Starter 
A friend of mine was 2 weeks over due. They were going to induce her this past Sunday. Everything looked fine at her dr's appt on Thursday.
She went into labor Friday night. When she got there, they couldn't find a heartbeat for the baby. She lost the baby.

I've never been in this situation before and I'm not sure what to do for her other than be here when she needs comforting or just needs to talk.

I'm not sure if this is the proper "forum" to leave this message. If not, I apologize. I was hoping that someone might be able to share how they coped with their loss. If there were things people did that made a difference for you. OR if there were things that you wished people would do, and didn't.
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post #2 of 10
2/7/03 at 2:34pm
I'm so sorry for your friends loss It's very hard for family and friends to cope with it too. You sound like you need a big
There's no right or wrong way of handeling these things. Your friend will have her own speacial needs. Maybe you could just ask her if there is anything you can do for her to help her through this. Maybe just letting her know that you are there for her, would be all she needs.
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post #3 of 10
2/7/03 at 4:16pm
I am not sure what to do either...other than be there for your friend when she needs a shoulder to cry on Genie is right...she will have her own special needs and will hopefully let you know when she needs you.

My BIL's friend lost a baby when she had gone a week overdue (stillborn).....they got pg a year later with twins and they are now a few months old and doing great
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post #4 of 10
2/7/03 at 4:52pm
I am so sorry for your friends loss.
I think the best advice, going by experience is to be there for her. Some of our friends completely avoided us after Brandon died. And it made us feel more alone. I dont know if they thought that everytime they seen us they or we had to talk about it. But just them being around would have been nice. Just tell her anytime she needs to talk you are there. Just call her every once in awhile just to chit chat, or stop by.
They are going to need their time to grieve right now, and friends and family are a huge part of that.
You can PM me or email me anytime if you want to talk.
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post #5 of 10
2/10/03 at 2:21pm
I'm going to agree with everyone here..the best thing you can do is be there for her.

This is such a sad and terrible thing to happen; it's going to be a tough road for her and the baby's father (don't forget about him, if he's still in the picture--dads grieve, too).

Let her take the lead--if she wants to talk, then by all means talk. If not, then don't try to force her.

A shoulder, a comforting word, someone to cry with all help. Sometimes, if you don't know the right thing to say, then don't say anything. She'll know you care by your being there.
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post #6 of 10
2/10/03 at 3:35pm
I can't really add anything to what the others have already said. I am so sorry for your friend's loss.
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post #7 of 10
2/12/03 at 11:03am
Thread Starter 

Thank you

Thank you all. I'm doing exactly what everyone suggested. I just wish that I could do or say something to make it a little better.

Thanks again for the response's.
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post #8 of 10
2/25/03 at 6:31pm
I hope your friend is doing well. Even if she were to go on and have more children, this was still her child and she will always remember it. It has to be hard when a child is lost, a lot of my friends didn't know what to say either, but just talk to her and sometimes just talking about what's on TV or what's happening in the world or with you will get her mind off of it and help her outlook.

THE WORST THING: Don't ever tell someone who has just lost a baby "You can always have more children. This just wasn't meant to be."

That is terrible and no mother should hear those words.
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post #9 of 10
2/25/03 at 6:55pm
That is also a great point Jodi!! I had so many people say that to us after Brandon died. Also some said to us "at least you know you can have big healthy babies". People are honestly trying to help but sometimes they dont realize what they are saying hurts.
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post #10 of 10
2/25/03 at 7:02pm
That's true.. we may have other children, but we will be one short.
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