BabyUniversity.com › Forums › Trying To Conceive › General TTC Discussion › TTC After A Loss › Deciding not to try again
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Deciding not to try again

post #1 of 21
6/30/03 at 12:22pm
Thread Starter 
It has only been 4 months since my daughter was stillborn but people are already asking me when I am going to try to get pregnant again.
I'm not sure if I am and I don't really know how to say that.
Asher was not my first pregnancy and she was not a planned pregnancy but people just assume that after losing a baby you automatically will want to not replace but fill the missing spot in your family.
Without sounding like I didn't want Asher or that I am happier without her, I want people to understand that a 3rd child wasn't in my plans for my life and my plans haven't changed.
Does anyone understand all my babbling and know a decent way to express this to people?
Reply
post #2 of 21
6/30/03 at 12:25pm
Just say at this time we feel our family is complete. THey should be asking anything more.
Reply
post #3 of 21
6/30/03 at 12:28pm
I agree with Jan. And I don't think it is right for anyone to ask you what your future plans are other than your dh or your children.

A baby is never replaced by another.
Reply
post #4 of 21
6/30/03 at 12:28pm
I'd just tell them you haven't reached a point yet where you feel you can make that decision.
Reply
post #5 of 21
6/30/03 at 12:37pm
I agree that it is diffucult to explain to others why you have not try to concieve again. People naturally assume that you want to have another baby when it may not be the case.

For me I have had the opposite approach with family and friends when I lost my baby before Michael was ever conceived. Everyone did not know what to say and I heard little about everyone's babies in my presence. No one was asking me when I was TTC again.

Tim and I have put off plans for TTC until Michael fully recovers from his skull surgeries and until we can afford it but my family is agianst me getting pregnant again because they are worried we will have another special needs baby on our hands. Regardless of what the outcome would be when and if we had another baby I would love my baby special needs or not.

I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I would say "I am leaving it in Gods hands and He will know when you are ready

That seems to quiet people...

but Lisa's answer seems the best.
Reply
post #6 of 21
6/30/03 at 12:38pm
You shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone!

I wish I had a great answer for you but the only think that comes to mind is for you to tell people mind their own business!
Reply
post #7 of 21
6/30/03 at 12:50pm
Yup, I agree with Michelle.

Seriously no one should be asking you when you are planning the next baby. I mean I get ticked when people ask me when we are having another baby. There are numerous reasons people shouldn't ask that question!

So I would say mind your own business. But Sandra's we are leaving it in God's hands is great.
Reply
post #8 of 21
6/30/03 at 1:22pm
I agree with the otherladies here.
Reply
post #9 of 21
6/30/03 at 1:42pm
I cannot believe that people are asking you that! Are their brains on vacation??? It is just none of there darned business!
Reply
post #10 of 21
6/30/03 at 1:43pm
I think you did a pretty good job here. I'm sorry for all you've been through Eliane.
Reply
post #11 of 21
6/30/03 at 4:11pm
All the other ladies have had great suggestions for you. I agree it is none of their business in the first place - you shouldn't be put into a position where you have to explain anything
Reply
post #12 of 21
6/30/03 at 5:08pm
I agree with those that say it is none of anyone's business. I know I hate it when people ask me "So when are you going to have children?" or something similar. Or "Are you pregnant yet?" I know a girl from high school that everytime she talks to me she asks me "So...any news yet?" I get really po'd when she asks me that...next time she asks me I'm going to tell her we are not trying anymore and that is the end of the story. Period. I want her off my back. Sorry I'm rambling in your post.


Reply
post #13 of 21
6/30/03 at 5:43pm
Elaine, that's awful that they ask you that.

I'm with Michelle, though, the first thing that would pop into my head would be MYOB.

If I were feeling charitable, I'd say, "Well, we don't want to decide that yet" or something like that.
Reply
post #14 of 21
6/30/03 at 6:37pm
I think everyone so far has great suggestions.
Reply
post #15 of 21
7/8/03 at 9:03am
i dont know how u feel but im sure if that unfortunate thing happened to me i wouldnt be trying to replace the baby!! at the end of the day its your choice
Reply
post #16 of 21
7/8/03 at 5:42pm
Jan said it perfectly!!
Reply
post #17 of 21
7/9/03 at 12:47am
Just say it is too soon to make that decision.
Reply
post #18 of 21
7/9/03 at 6:05am
I'm sorry you know such people

I would simply say that "God sent Asher to us, and we are leaving it up to him if we have another"

If they ask again just tell them "God hasn't gotten back to us yet, but you are welcome to ask him yourself"
Reply
post #19 of 21
7/9/03 at 8:39am
Thread Starter 
I love your answer Maree. It is perfect.
Reply
post #20 of 21
7/11/03 at 10:16am
You're welcome
Reply
post #21 of 21
7/18/03 at 2:25pm
I agree with Lisa. At this time, it's not in our hands, ask God and see if he'll tell you.

You're right, no new baby can replace your Asher. I wish others could know that too.
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: TTC After A Loss
BabyUniversity.com › Forums › Trying To Conceive › General TTC Discussion › TTC After A Loss › Deciding not to try again