Do you think this constitutes ABUSE?

I want to say yes, it is abuse, but I'm not sure if thats the right word to use. If their skin is red and scaley, could that be considered abuse? I'm not sure if the law would define that as abuse. (Does anyone know?) Neglect? Besides bathing them so much that their skin is red, from what you said, she doesn't do much more with these children. Neglect can be just as bad as abuse.
I do want to say that I don't know all the facts, but, judging by what you have told us, I don't think she is a very good mother. How are these children going to develop physicaly and mentally if they are never out of their car seats? I know I wouldn't like sitting and sleeping in the same chair all day. You said that they don't complain, I'm thinking that they don't complain because they don't know what it's like to be out of the seats. It's normal for them and they don't know any different.
Do you know if Child Protective Services is involved in this?

Heather

I don't know if it's abuse, b/c I don't know ALL the facts! Is there anymore info on this? Does the mother say why she does this? Can they even walk yet? From what you said it deffinately sounds like it could be neglect(I agree with Heather). I would feel so horrible if I did that to my kids, I don't think I'd be able to sleep at night, much less live with myself. I constantly worry about the Quality of life I am giving my kids. But thats just me!

I think this woman and this story confuses me greatly, and I'd like to know more !

I don't necessarily think that it would constitute "abuse" as much as "neglect" (which, by the way, can be equally damaging - just different criteria). Knee-jerk response: Mother needs counseling; doesn't sound like she means harm to the children, but more that she doesn't know how to properly care for them. If you know this woman, you should call your DHS and make an annonymous report - get someone out there to investigate before the children are severly impacted. If they are truly in their seats as much of the day as you believe they are, there will be "bed sores" or flacid muscles, something measurable that the investigators can look at. As far as baby food, my 12 month old is still eating 3rd foods, and she loves them. She has a lot of teeth, but chokes on most table food, so we feed her the mush so she gets a rounded diet and then offer the "fun" foods that she can practice eating. She certainly isn't harmed by this - she's 2 1/2 feet tall and 26 pounds! My 9 yr-old, on the other hand, went from formula to table food and never looked back. They just vary so much from child to child. What's important is that what this mother is doing is appropriate for THESE children. And that would really have to be determined by a professional in child development/child health.

I believe 14 month old twins need to be out of their seats. I am not sure if it is abuse but in a sense I am sure that it is. Like everyone else has said Neglect would be the word I would use! I do not think that any child needs to be kept locked in their seats.

On the other hand, Christian loved his car seat when he was little and would just sit in it because he wanted too. Not because I made him. We had to fight to get him to stay out of his seat and we did that by finally taking away the infant seat and getting a big one that stays in the car!

Christian also did not eat a lot of table food. He stopped eating 3rd foods at around 10/11 months old. He used to choke so easily and he scared the life out of me. We have finally gotten over the choking stage though.

If you know this person, I believe you should turn them in. Maybe the lady needs help and just does not know how to express it. I don't think she means harm to them or I think they would be harmed but by neglecting them the way she has been that is considered mental abuse isn't it?

ughhh.....I don't know. It is confusing. I think we often think of abuse as being physical and we forgot about the mental abuse!

I think there is a fine line between abuse and neglect -- and she's definitely walking it! I'd have to know more details, but it sounds to me like she doesn't really want/need to be a mother. It seems to me that she is hindering both their emotional and physical growth by allowing them to sit around all day. Being preemies, I'd think they need extra attention to stay on track. Do they crawl, cruise the furniture, or anything even close to what they should be doing at this age?

Well that's definitely not a healthy environment. Don't kids get a strange shaped head from laying in those car seats all the time? Seems like I remember hearing that.

It doesn't sound to me as if they are getting the love and attention they need, in addition to being neglected. I would be inclined to report them, but if they are already being monitored, how can this be considered OK behavior?

I think that the fact the father picks them up by one arm is a huge concern! I believe the kids need to be in a new environment! The life their parents are giving them just is not satisfactory and it is needs to be improved! Should the kids be taken away and given to someone who can love them as they deserve....I think so! I think that a baby being abused at such a young age is UNCALLED FOR and they should not have those wonderful gifts from God if they can't treat them with all the love they deserve.

Thats sooooo sad!! I think I'm gonna cry now!! Poor kids, they don't deserve that, and I would report them in a hearbeat(Knowing what you know)!! I can't believe someone would behave that way!!

I have to stop posting about this now, b/c it's making me too sad!

((((Tara)))) emotions ar running high. That is ok, love ya.


Kim I to would report them. When i use to work a children square here in Co. Bluffs, these kids were court ordered or being watched. Ron and Ian for example, left them be also. Ron moved more then Ian. Ron was always starving and afraid there would be no more food. Ian on the other hand di not know how to walk until age 2, becuse of his parents leaving him in the carseat. The court called it abuse.

Mom sounds some what like she has compulsive disorder. Who knows it could be just being mean and abusive. Turn them in Kim, they were shown to you for a reason and I fell God is saying something to you open up your heart and listen. I just feel there was a reason for you to hear and see this. JMO. I hear things to, but I don't always see, you did and you said something and he said something back. Please help them.

Oh my goodness....this is so sad how those children are being treated!!!!!! I can't believe the father carries them like that! Makes me want to slap that man!!!!! grrrrr
It sounds like the mother has a mental problem. Keeping those children in their car seats all the time and washing them many times because they messed their diaper is just ridiculous. I sure hope those kids are taken away from their parents! JMHO

I'm wondering, you mention older children - are they healthy? Or is there also questionable activity where they are concerned?

Just for the sake of argument, I know people probably would have been appalled to see MY son sleeping in his carseat when he was a baby. What they would not have known was that he had RSV at 5 weeks, and the pediatrician recommended that he sleep in his carseat to stay elevated and prevent the congestion from settling in his chest (I could strap him in and he would be safe so that I could sleep as well). It worked, and instead of developing bronchiolitis or pneumonia or life-long asthma as so many babies who contract this virus do, he got over it in less than 2 weeks! He also got hooked on sleeping in his seat!! We really struggled to get him to sleep in his bed, and when he finally outgrew his infant seat, he just cried for it! Not that this sounds like your story, but just to demonstrate that it's hard to judge unless you know the WHOLE story.

On the other hand, I worked for CPS when I was in school in the Central Registry keying reports and searching files, etc. And I know of cases where children were severly neglected or abused and eventually died or were killed by their parent(s), and when we ran a history search NOTHING came up. NO ONE had EVER reported anything. One man murdered - viciously - his whole family (of like 10 kids) and the public was outraged because CPS had never interviened. But there had NEVER been a SINGLE report - not by a teacher, a neighbor, NO ONE! And these kids had lived in awful circumstances. So I agree with Annie - if you're suspicious, SAY SOMETHING!! If you're wrong, you're wrong. But what if you're RIGHT?? Think about it - do you just not agree with the parenting habits, or do you truly feel frightened for the children's safety and health? Search your heart for that answer, and then act on it - either let it go or make that call.

It's different when a child wants to sleep in their carseat, but when they are left there most of the day, I would say that constitutes abuse. We all were appalled at the mother handcuffing her daughter to the bed, so why not this? It's the same thing in my opinion.

These kids need to be allowed some freedom to learn to do things for themselves. And the father's treatment is obviously wrong and I'm worried about it escalating. Kimmy, I do hope that you report this family.

I think that is horrible! That the father picks them up that way. And I do consider that abuse it is horrible

Belinda, Shyanne is the same way and for almost the same reason. Just about a month and a hlf ago she got an upper respitory infection and I was worried about her laying flat so I let her sleep in the car seat, Now it is almost the only way she will go to sleep, I try rocking her and so on, but she wants that darn car seat! I usally have to sneek her out of there when she is good an asleep cause I know it can't be that comfy. Anyways I am babbling on..

Is there any news on this Kimmy? Did you say something or call someone? Just curious!

Yes, Yes, we need an update. I couldn't keep my kids in a car seat. These kids were also premature so they could be behind in their development. I would not leave them in a car seat all day though. I aslo think that maybe the momma has a disorder where she thinks everything has to be clean and germ free. Who knows. I do hope that someone intervines.

This is very upsetting. I dont know that it would be considered abuse but in a way it is like locking her children up and isn't that abuse?!? It is definately neglect!! Those twins should be up and playing. Walking and learning all those new things. They cannot do this from those chairs. And sleeping in those chairs..that is insane!! I cannot sleep in a chair myself much less would I make my children do so!!! UGH UGH UGH!!! The scaley hands is awful. That really bothers me b/c it has to hurt. And then the bathing. Glad she likes her kids clean but with every BM. Isn't bathing too much supposed to be kind of bad?!? That is what I thought. I hate to see this happening to kids. I think that the mother is neglecting them and that if Child Services knew I don't know that she would still have those kids!!!

She needs to be tied to a chair all day for 14 months and bathed with each BM and her hands scrubbed a million times a day.

Kimberley~ I know it's hard to speak up sometimes. And it really is your call. But I just hve to give MHO.

First, I use to work at a lawyers office. YOu said that if CAS "if child services can't SEE what I see when I am with them then THEY ARE BLIND". To this I say, alot of time they don't see. Parents act diffent when CAS show up. Even if it's unannoced. "Why are the twins in car seats?" "Oh we were just about to go out" Parents who neglect their children, tend to be "the perfect parents" when it comes to showing off to other people.

Second, it being family makes it Twice as hard to say something. Even if you can report it without giveing your name...you feel like EVERYBODY knows it was you. Yes, the children might be taken away...but in this case, you have to think, "What's best for the children?" not the parents and your family. If a husband tied his wife to a chair all day...what would we do? If you put a dog in a too small cage...what do we do?

You really do have to pray. But not that things get better, because how often does it without someone stepping in. But for the power to do what's right. Rather that's making a call...or just looking the other way. What's right for you?

I, honstly, can not say what I would do if it was family. I would hope I would have the power to turn them in. I guess it depends on HOW they were related. Brother...cousin....aunt....

What ever you decide, I hope that God hopes you in your decision. But remember...you have to live with you choice...

Good Luck......in what even you decide.

Neglect-pure and simple.

They will never learn to walk, and their backs could become mishapen from being in that position so much.

Call somebody!!!!!

INHO, I think it is abuse plain and simple! If she wasn't prepared to have these children then she shouldn't have brought them into this world. That is VERY cruel to do this to little babies! Sure they are used to it. I'm sure she has done this most of their life. What an outrage!

Kimberely, I too think you need to consider what is best for the children. Most of the time, even though this isn't how it's portrayed in the news or on t.v., kids are sent to the same foster home and Protective Services tries their best to make sure that they are always kept together.

And I agree with Wolfy in that parents know how to act when someone comes to check on them and know the excuses to tell them about why they are doing what they are doing.

These are little kids and it is up to us as adults to protect them. If your family gets mad at you for reporting them, so be it. All that matters is that those kids are safe and being taken care of in the way they need to be, and if other family members can't see that, then something is wrong with them.

I hope that you decide to make the call so that these parents can get the help that they need to learn how to take care of their children.

I guess I just can't agree that this family needs to lose custody of these children. As Jenna says, she does not live nearby and so her observations are limited and her opinion is also based on hearsay. Even to say that the children are in their carseats "all day" - is that verifiable? Or is it that they're in the seats everytime you happen to see them? Because there's a huge difference. And children don't NEED highchairs to learn to feed themselves. I would bet money that most of our grandparents did NOT have highchairs as babies, and they learned to eat. 150 years ago, Native Americans carried their babies, swaddled and bound to their backs, through the first year or so, and in many non-industrial countries similar methods are still practiced. These children grow and develop and learn. All these accoutrements of childrearing are products of our wealthy, technologically-advanced society, not neccesities.

That's not to say that I agree with the parenting style or behaviors she's described. As I've said before, I do NOT take maltreatment of children lightly! I worked in the Central Registery of our state's Child Protective Services Unit several years ago, and I also have a minor in Sociology with an emphasis in Social Work; I KNOW how devestating and far-reaching the effects of abuse/neglect are. But I DO think that it is very, very hard to glean a larger picture of family dynamics from snapshot interactions. I know I'm not scoring any points with this opinion, but I just felt compelled to voice my view. I think that it is far too easy to jump to conclusions, and I certainly wouldn't want to lose my children based on presumption and "bad mommy moments." I KNOW that I'm a good mother, but that hasn't come without a lot of mistakes along the way - in fact, it's BECAUSE of the mistakes!! So, to me, it sounds more like this family needs some support services, parenting education, etc. But removing the children? Nope, I'm not convinced based on what Jenna has said. Based on these conditions, removal from the parents - the only world these children know - could really have deeper effects at this stage of their development; 1 - 1 1/2 years is a time of seperation anxiety already.

And, Jenna, keep praying and trusting your Faith. I don't think that your conscience will allow you to look the other way if the situation presents as being critical. Try to be a role model of positive parenting. Sometimes, after being a parent so long, seeing the task from the fresh perspective of a new parent like yourself can be a strong catalyst for change.