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My Blood Was Boiling And a Question At The End

post #1 of 23
12/29/03 at 4:16pm
Thread Starter 
This might seem that big of a deal to you, but to me it was BIG! So let me tell you about it. Over the weekend I went home for Christmas. Friday night my mom and dad wanted to give Elizabeth candy, but I wouldn't let them. Then Saturday morning I popped a mini chocolate bar in my mouth and my dad had a fit. He told me that I couldn't have any candy if I wasn't going to let the "baby" have any. Well, I told him that I didn't want Elizabeth to have a meal of just candy like I did when I was little. I told him that what I was trying to do might back fire on me, but I was trying to teach Elizabeth healty eating habits unlike what I was taught. Well, he finally shut up.

I won't let Elizabeth drink soda, caffine free or not. I was in the kitchen doing something and I saw my mom giving Elizabeth caffine free mountain dew. I told her to stop and that Elizabeth wasn't allowed to have it. My dad told me to shut up! Oh I told him that I wouldn't and I just laid in to him. I don't remember all that I said. So now they are pissed with him because I won't let Elizabeth have those things.

My mom doesn't clean that much and she sticks things in corners because she says she don't have room to put things in the cabinets. She needs to let me help her clean out. Anyway, she had a pot of liquid potpourri in the floor in a bedroom.She won't close the doors to rooms so Elizabeth went in there. I was doing something and I thought mother was watching her then Elizabeth started chocking on something. Come to find out Elizabeth tried to drink that potpourri. I don't think she got any or non in her mouth. But she started throwing up. The bottle said that it was non-toxic so I just started making her drink water. The last time we went there...I didn't close the back door all of the way when I went out because I was afraid that Elizabeth would get her fingers slamed in the door. Well, she tried to open the door and got her finger stuck in the door. I heard her screaming all the way to the car and my mother just thought she was crying for me. Could she not tell that my child was hurt by the scream. She wasn't crying she was screaming. Elizabeth was ok, but it seems like everytime we go my child gets hurt in some way.

Here's my question now...we have a gala to go to in January. I have told my mom that she could keep Elizabeth, but I'm not for sure if I want her to. She has never kept Elizabeth because when she was 4 weeks old my mom said that she would feed Elizabeth cereal behind my back. I heard it thru the grapevine. So do you think I should let Elizabeth stay with her or make other arrangements?
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post #2 of 23
12/29/03 at 4:18pm
Thread Starter 
Bless you if you made it to the end!
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post #3 of 23
12/29/03 at 4:23pm
Ugh..... I would've been upset too, Libby.... This is a tough one.... Are they going to watch her at your house? If they don't babyproof (which I MADE my parents do) then I wouldn't advise it. It's going to cause a huge uproar, but you have to be concerned with safety first... I told my parents they HAD to babyproof or put up gates everywhere because I had 2 babies and my parents are older and can't just jump up to save them. They did, they bought gates for the rooms that weren't safe and cleaned out the few rooms the kids would be in. Try and talk to them, getting the gates is not a big deal.... Keep us posted!
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post #4 of 23
12/29/03 at 4:26pm
I would do something else this is just like what my parents would do things behind my back. My DS is on a medicine that for NO reason can he have chocolate the combonation of the two makes him start wheezing. They gave this to him a few months ago and we ended up in the ER with a SEVERE asthma attack. Please be careful. Parents who do not respect your things that are offlimits to her just might not respect the things that they NEED to be careful with. But this is JMO.
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post #5 of 23
12/29/03 at 4:27pm
if there was a way, i would make other arrangements. but only if they won't find out... my parents are more paranoid about Logan getting into things than i am. Sorry i can't relate but it must upset you alot!
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post #6 of 23
12/29/03 at 4:33pm
I know it might be an inconvenience but I think you should find other arrangements. They do not respect you at all. Good for you for sticking to your guns about trying to raise your child healthy and safe.
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post #7 of 23
12/29/03 at 5:42pm
I would suggest having them watch her at your house, if you want them to watch her for you!
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post #8 of 23
12/29/03 at 6:34pm
Thread Starter 
I have thought about letting Elizabeth have sweets at the grandparent's house...since that way it would be special occasion. But my mom let Elizabeth drink out of my mom's cup which I really don't want so now Elizabeth wants everything that I am drinking. My mom and dad don't get to see Elizabeth that much and I want them to keep her, BUT the whole night I will be worrying about if they are feeding her something that she is not suppose to have. I am going to talk to Eric some more and see if he agrees and let them keep her here.

The one thing that really pisses me off is that when my brother's wife had their baby...my mom ALWAYS asked my SIL if the baby could have a certain thing. Well, with me I am not asked I just happen to see so now I am wondering what else Elizabeth has been fed that I don't know about. I was talking to my MIL about it and she told me that she never gives the grandkids anything without asking the parents. I am so glad of that. And she don't let them drink after her.
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post #9 of 23
12/29/03 at 9:44pm
I would insist they watch her at your house if they are not willing to baby pproof or even close doors. Obviously they do not care about what kinds of beliefs you have where Elizabeth is concerned. I know it would be hard but you need to take a stance in regards to your daughter's well being over there.
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post #10 of 23
12/29/03 at 10:33pm
I would be finding someone else to watch her. They have no right to go against what you want for YOUR daughter.
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post #11 of 23
12/29/03 at 11:41pm
I went through this to some extent with my parents and my inlaws. We had a huge blow-up one night because my stepdad was feeding Gavin ice cream and for whatever reason I did not want him having it.

Bottom line is if you have said no she can not have something then they need to respect your wishes. You are her mother and you are in charge of her.

But..that being said you need also to pick your battles. Maybe you can find some sort of compromise with your parents as far as the sweets go. Maybe she can not have soda but you might be able to pass off a mixed drink of soda water and some fruit juice. Still bubbles. Or maybe chocolate milk or get those drinkable yogurts? Maybe some baby cookies for a treat? An occassional sucker as well.

I would work towards having them watch her at your place since it is child proofed. I would really worry about her safety at your parent's place since they are not willing to close doors. Can they not put gates up?
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post #12 of 23
12/30/03 at 12:07am
Thread Starter 
No they wouldn't put up gates. If Elizabeth did go there...I would tell them to keep all doors closed at all times. But hey they won't listen to me. On one hand...I want Elizabeth to go and spend time with them because my mom buys Elizabeth a lot of stuff BUT on the other hand...if they can't respect my wishes then they shouldn't have the chance to keep her.

When my nephew was around 1 1/2 - 2 years old...my parents kept him. It was in the middle of winter. My dad rode him on the tractor, but he did have his hat on. My dad said that if my nephew's mom found out about him riding the tractor she would be mad. What sense does that make. They think just because they are grandparents they have the right to do whatever they want. Well, I'm here to tell them they have to go by my rules.

Then on Eric's side...his parents act like they don't care if they see Elizabeth. I give up...I'm ready to move to Ireland!!!
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post #13 of 23
12/30/03 at 12:16am
I would not leave Elizabeth with her if you are not comfortable. From what you've said your parents do not resepect you enough to honor your wishes, so they will have to suffer the consequences.
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post #14 of 23
12/30/03 at 12:29am
I was pretty much gonna say the same thing Liz said.
With Cori I was adament that she not have anything but the recommended baby foods for her age, etc. My mom and SIL both believe in giving a bay what they want. I had no choice a lot of the time to leave C with my mom and she (mom) did feed her cereal and stuff before I was ready. I gave up and just told her that if she did it not to tell me about it. It did not hurt her and I knew that my mom would not do anything that would ever hurt C.
That being said, we did not have the issue of her not baby proofing or watching her well. I think things would have been different if I did not feel comfortable about her safety while in my parents care.
I do not know what to tell you other than if you feel very strongly about the rules you have in place then you need to have a serious talk with you mom and tell her that you really hope she will follow your wishes.
I hope it works out for you.
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post #15 of 23
12/30/03 at 12:47am
You may just have to be really firm and tell your parents that until their house is safe your child will not go there. I would be worried about the safety more than anything. It is a tough decision I know.
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post #16 of 23
12/30/03 at 2:09am
IMO, I would find someone else. There area a lot of safety issues here that I would personally not feel comfortable with. I guess you are going to have to weigh having almost all your wishes ignored while she cares for your dd and the fight that will cause against the fight you'll have when you find another sitter.
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post #17 of 23
12/30/03 at 3:44am
Liz pretty much covered it for me. There were certain things that I told the grandparents the kids were not to have (caffeine, for example), but other than that I let them be grandparents. Like someone said, you have to pick your battles.

My main cncern would be the safety issues. If they are not willing to babyprrof the house, or at least keep doors closed ot put up gates, then I would not let them keep her at their house. Just tell them that you are worried she will get into something and that they are welcome to watch her at your place. If they are not happy with that .... oh, well!
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post #18 of 23
12/30/03 at 11:37am
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone for your opinon...you all have been a great help for us to decide what we are going to do. I will have a talk with my mom about the safety issues regardless if Elizabeth stays or not. The sweets is something that I don't want her to have a lot of, BUT she is going to get them I know. We have given her a sucker every know and then. When I was little I would make a meal from candy and I didn't eat healthy and now I wish I did. So I want to show Elizabeth how to eat healthy and she can have a few sweets, but not to make a meal from it.
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post #19 of 23
12/31/03 at 12:50pm
I can understand how you feel. My mom had to be reminded when we moved back here about what all goes into having a child around. The first time Jesse spent the night he came home the next day without having brushed his teeth, taken a bath(and he was filthy), or changing his clothes(including undies). It was hard but I had to tell my mom that was unacceptable. She got it finally and it's been better. But your situation is much more serious. If your dd drinks the potporrie she WILL get very sick. Kids have died from drinking that stuff. Sounds to me that your instincts are telling you to be careful and I would listen to them. You know what's best for your dd and if your parents dont' respect that then I would tell them they can't watch her anymore. It will be very hard to do this but you alone know what's best. Big and I really hope you can get it all worked out.
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post #20 of 23
12/31/03 at 1:00pm
Ugh I would see if you could find someone else too. You already know that they arent going to obey your wishes for simple things like what you do not want her to eat (FYI- Ryan has never had candy or soda - ONCE I tried flat gingerale for his upset stomach - thats it - ) I agree why start life with junk food - one day they can have it but there is no need now....

and another thing that I do - Ryan HAS to be babysat at my house UNLESS the person has another child and their house is baby proofed...

There is too much they can get into that we dotn know about - luckily she was ok after trying the potpourri

I would find someone else
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post #21 of 23
12/31/03 at 3:24pm
wwo taht is a tough one. we want our parents o respect how we want to raise our kids....but granparents also love to spoil their grandkids.....We dont' give Liz a lot of junkfood either....but you can bet my mom was the first one to give Liz pop....and she gives treats from time to time. I think we need to expect that of grandparents...

Now for the safety issue.......that is a really tough one. If your mom is really really goign to watch her that is one thing....but if she has proven that she does not do it all that well inthe past....how is she going to do this time????

Tough call girl :hgu:
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post #22 of 23
12/31/03 at 9:06pm
Thread Starter 
Well, now since we visited over the weekend...I have got a runny nose. It started while I was there...now Elizabeth last night was running a fever and started throwing up. So she is not going to my mom's because I don't want her to get sick everytime we go so we'll not go back for a while. Everytime we have gone since May...I'm in the doctor's office the next week. I'm gonna try to talk to Eric and see if my mom and dad can come here.
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post #23 of 23
1/7/04 at 2:15pm
I would make other arrangements.

My MIL gives rhyne cheetos and candy as a meal and when I tell her to stop and no more she never listens, so, we hardly go there. She doesn't understand that I don't want Rhyne snacking all the time and growing up to be obese like the rest of their family.....ugh.

I would just hire a babysitter, because then you set down the rules and you get what you pay for.
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