Going Forward on Faith
by Karon Goodman
When you have a child of your own, you instantly feel that guarantee of a lifelong bond and commitment, a thousand second chances to correct your wrongs, and a sense of love and forevermore no matter what.
When you inherit stepchildren, there are no guarantees, no instant anything. You do your best and sometimes they respond. You do your best and sometimes they don't. You make some hard-earned progress and see a glimpse of the prize at the finish line, and then you trip yourself up on the next leg of the race, and your vision grows fuzzy and distant. You are tempted to give up. The hopelessness is heavy.
How do you keep the faith? How do you go on when you're running on unstable ground and your progress is so easily eclipsed by the deafening realization that these children don't have to love you?
There is no guarantee of biology to sustain you through the difficult times, but there is still a promise of forevermore. If you don't give up, there will always be a tomorrow. There will be yesterdays to teach you the history of your efforts and tomorrows to build your future. Grasp the present by learning from the past, and find the courage to face the future. Don't give up.
When you're hurting from a bad experience with your stepchildren, take a breath and relax. Consider a few possibilities and solutions.
Perhaps, it was just an unfortunate misunderstanding. Talk to your stepchild and clarify the issue. Remember what you learn. Then put it behind you.
Maybe you really stepped out of line or hurt him badly. If you did, you made a mistake, not a lifelong career move. Apologize. Note what you learn. Then put it behind you.
What if it wasn't your fault? You did your best, and you still got hurt. It happens to all of us. Talk to your stepchild and see if you can get to the root of the problem, which perhaps has nothing to do with you. Sometimes you're just in the line of fire. All setbacks are alarming, but realize that most are also temporary. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Then put it behind you.
How do you find the strength to go on? How do you deal with this tough life that means failing sometimes, fighting at every turn for direction and guidance, anguishing over missed opportunities and frequent disasters?
Remember all that you have done well. Search the depths of your heart and find where you have hidden away those moments when being a stepmom meant being loved and appreciated. They are there, somewhere, easily hidden by daily crises that will fade over time like new jeans. Find those moments. Expect more. Don't give up.
Stepmothering is about going forward on faith, continuing to persevere when you're hurt or angry or sad or disappointed. It's about finding the joys in this inherited relationship and building it into a full, vibrant part of your life. It's about not giving up, even when it hurts to go on, because the prize is too great.
Karon Goodman is a writer and mother who publishes an email newsletter for brave, overwhelmed stepmoms. Karon's about.com site is a tremendous resource for moms, as well. Don't miss it! http://stepparenting.about.com/parenting/stepparenting/
This article was previously published @ fellow WF Partner site: Momscape.com
by Karon Goodman
When you have a child of your own, you instantly feel that guarantee of a lifelong bond and commitment, a thousand second chances to correct your wrongs, and a sense of love and forevermore no matter what.
When you inherit stepchildren, there are no guarantees, no instant anything. You do your best and sometimes they respond. You do your best and sometimes they don't. You make some hard-earned progress and see a glimpse of the prize at the finish line, and then you trip yourself up on the next leg of the race, and your vision grows fuzzy and distant. You are tempted to give up. The hopelessness is heavy.
How do you keep the faith? How do you go on when you're running on unstable ground and your progress is so easily eclipsed by the deafening realization that these children don't have to love you?
There is no guarantee of biology to sustain you through the difficult times, but there is still a promise of forevermore. If you don't give up, there will always be a tomorrow. There will be yesterdays to teach you the history of your efforts and tomorrows to build your future. Grasp the present by learning from the past, and find the courage to face the future. Don't give up.
When you're hurting from a bad experience with your stepchildren, take a breath and relax. Consider a few possibilities and solutions.
Perhaps, it was just an unfortunate misunderstanding. Talk to your stepchild and clarify the issue. Remember what you learn. Then put it behind you.
Maybe you really stepped out of line or hurt him badly. If you did, you made a mistake, not a lifelong career move. Apologize. Note what you learn. Then put it behind you.
What if it wasn't your fault? You did your best, and you still got hurt. It happens to all of us. Talk to your stepchild and see if you can get to the root of the problem, which perhaps has nothing to do with you. Sometimes you're just in the line of fire. All setbacks are alarming, but realize that most are also temporary. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Then put it behind you.
How do you find the strength to go on? How do you deal with this tough life that means failing sometimes, fighting at every turn for direction and guidance, anguishing over missed opportunities and frequent disasters?
Remember all that you have done well. Search the depths of your heart and find where you have hidden away those moments when being a stepmom meant being loved and appreciated. They are there, somewhere, easily hidden by daily crises that will fade over time like new jeans. Find those moments. Expect more. Don't give up.
Stepmothering is about going forward on faith, continuing to persevere when you're hurt or angry or sad or disappointed. It's about finding the joys in this inherited relationship and building it into a full, vibrant part of your life. It's about not giving up, even when it hurts to go on, because the prize is too great.
Karon Goodman is a writer and mother who publishes an email newsletter for brave, overwhelmed stepmoms. Karon's about.com site is a tremendous resource for moms, as well. Don't miss it! http://stepparenting.about.com/parenting/stepparenting/
This article was previously published @ fellow WF Partner site: Momscape.com
