=========================
THE HUMOR OF MELVIN DURAI
=========================
"WHEN A FATHER GOES TOO FAR"
My two-year-old daughter, Lekha, is going through a phase in which she's extremely attached to me, clinging to me like a necklace. "Want Daddy to carry you," she continually says in her limited vocabulary. It's a wonderful thing, really, except when my wife finds it annoying -- then it's absolutely fabulous. (Now my wife knows how I felt during the long Mommy-attachment stage, also known as the Daddy-has-no-breasts stage.)
As I relish my daughter's affection and appreciate the important role I'll play in her life, I can't help wondering why many men walk out on their children. Some are known as deadbeat dads, for they provide no child support, while others are deadbolt dads, sending money but otherwise locking their children out of their lives. (Perhaps they don't deserve to be called "dads" at all; perhaps we should just call them "duds.")
With the divorce rate soaring, so many children are growing up without one parent, usually their father. In some cases, the father remains involved in his children's lives, but in others, he disappears faster than a steak on George Foreman's plate.
Many children are also born out of wedlock, with no knot tying down their father. Some are the result of drive-by pregnancies -- their father sticks around just long enough to zip up his pants.
It's so important for children to have a strong male figure in their lives and not just to point out the merits of football. Men can also teach children the merits of basketball, tennis and golf.
But more than just that, a father figure can help guide and discipline children, serve as a role model, supplement the love and attention that a mother gives. Unfortunately, many of these absent dads don't realize (or don't seem to care) what a void they've left in a young life, a void that may be filled with drugs, alcohol, or even worse, professional wrestling.
Some of these men, no doubt, didn't intend to be fathers; they just fell asleep during the sex education class. As one man said, "A friend advised me to always wear protection. But a lotta good that bulletproof vest did!"
Some were just looking to have a good time and didn't think about the consequences. "How could I think?" another man said. "She started undressing and the next thing I knew, all the blood had rushed out of my brain. It was like someone had unplugged my head."
Many men are merely doing what comes naturally after a bitter divorce: running as far away as possible. They'd rather visit their dentist than their ex-wife. And they'd rather give money to the Sacred Church of Harry Potter. The children, unfortunately, are unintended victims of their father's policy, also known as the "bite-me" approach.
Child: "Mom, why do you keep calling him a deadbeat dad?"
Mother: "That's simple. Even if he was dead, I'd want to beat him."
I feel sorry for the children, but I also feel sorry for the absent fathers, because they're missing out on something that seems so precious to me, the love and affection of a child. When my daughter is clinging to me, sleeping on my shoulder or straddling my hip, I can't imagine being away from her, even for a few days. Especially since my wife might just take over.
Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer, humorist and occasional stand-up comedian. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. To subscribe to his humor columns, go to his website: http://www.melvindurai.com
THE HUMOR OF MELVIN DURAI
=========================
"WHEN A FATHER GOES TOO FAR"
My two-year-old daughter, Lekha, is going through a phase in which she's extremely attached to me, clinging to me like a necklace. "Want Daddy to carry you," she continually says in her limited vocabulary. It's a wonderful thing, really, except when my wife finds it annoying -- then it's absolutely fabulous. (Now my wife knows how I felt during the long Mommy-attachment stage, also known as the Daddy-has-no-breasts stage.)
As I relish my daughter's affection and appreciate the important role I'll play in her life, I can't help wondering why many men walk out on their children. Some are known as deadbeat dads, for they provide no child support, while others are deadbolt dads, sending money but otherwise locking their children out of their lives. (Perhaps they don't deserve to be called "dads" at all; perhaps we should just call them "duds.")
With the divorce rate soaring, so many children are growing up without one parent, usually their father. In some cases, the father remains involved in his children's lives, but in others, he disappears faster than a steak on George Foreman's plate.
Many children are also born out of wedlock, with no knot tying down their father. Some are the result of drive-by pregnancies -- their father sticks around just long enough to zip up his pants.
It's so important for children to have a strong male figure in their lives and not just to point out the merits of football. Men can also teach children the merits of basketball, tennis and golf.
But more than just that, a father figure can help guide and discipline children, serve as a role model, supplement the love and attention that a mother gives. Unfortunately, many of these absent dads don't realize (or don't seem to care) what a void they've left in a young life, a void that may be filled with drugs, alcohol, or even worse, professional wrestling.
Some of these men, no doubt, didn't intend to be fathers; they just fell asleep during the sex education class. As one man said, "A friend advised me to always wear protection. But a lotta good that bulletproof vest did!"
Some were just looking to have a good time and didn't think about the consequences. "How could I think?" another man said. "She started undressing and the next thing I knew, all the blood had rushed out of my brain. It was like someone had unplugged my head."
Many men are merely doing what comes naturally after a bitter divorce: running as far away as possible. They'd rather visit their dentist than their ex-wife. And they'd rather give money to the Sacred Church of Harry Potter. The children, unfortunately, are unintended victims of their father's policy, also known as the "bite-me" approach.
Child: "Mom, why do you keep calling him a deadbeat dad?"
Mother: "That's simple. Even if he was dead, I'd want to beat him."
I feel sorry for the children, but I also feel sorry for the absent fathers, because they're missing out on something that seems so precious to me, the love and affection of a child. When my daughter is clinging to me, sleeping on my shoulder or straddling my hip, I can't imagine being away from her, even for a few days. Especially since my wife might just take over.
Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer, humorist and occasional stand-up comedian. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. To subscribe to his humor columns, go to his website: http://www.melvindurai.com
