Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Upstate New York
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When I am super stressed or super happy I dont want anyone but friends, kids, family around. When I am minorly stressed or just blah I get lonely and wish I had someone there to snuggle on the couch or make dinner for or just sit and talk.
When Ed and I first slpit I just wanted to be alone. After the first month I decided to see what is out there and went threw many stages. Dated people that were not the best for me, like stalker. Now I am alt more choosey and tend to take things slower. I am leary of guys that move too fast eomtionaly or physically.
Pretty much I want someone for companionship. Go to dinner, go for a walk, watch a movie. But I know I am not to a point where I can give 100% in return. I want to be able to give my heart to someone but I just can't. I know one of these days that will change.
I am melancholy today for a certain reason. I have talked abuot my EX from HS. I left CT bc of him. We are friends now and have attempted at picking up the pieces several times over the past year. I will always love him bc he ws my first love. Last time I went back home I saw him that Friday night. I had no intention of seeing him. He planted himself somewhere he knew I would go. He was saying all of the right things to me. Things I usually have to drag out of him. I was a good girl and didn;t give him what he wanted. The next day he called me a million times. Needed to see me. By the time I was ale to meet him he was hanging with 2 girls. One was his ex-gf and the other her friend. I was grateful to see him that way bc it showed me once and for all he has not changed. He can;t be alone. He would rather be miserable then be alone. His choice. So I had my closure. So I thought. We have talked since then. Friends type conversations. Me alwyas calling him. Well he called yesterday. The tone in his voice bugged me. I know him better then anybody does and I know what the tone meant. He didnt have to say anything about how he was feeling. So he has unlocked that door in my head again and I am mad at him for that.
Just had to get the out. If you read it all come up here and shoot me please!!! lol
Wayne since 8/07~ almost a year! Who would have thought I would ever find my prince?
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