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#1 of 8 Old 12-27-2011, 11:57 AM - Thead Starter
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Hey ladies, So I am in a bit of a pickle. For the past year or so my husband has gotten even more lazy and still hides his drinking from me and even lies about it to my face. ( Found bottles hidden around the house) I always ask him if he would like to go to the store with me, dinner or do something as a family, only to be turned down ( no money, He's sleepy, some other excuse) We do go to seaworld quite often but only for a couple of hours but we haven't gone recently. He travels quite a bit because of his work, when he goes out of town/ country he goes out to eat, he does a few fun stuff when he's off work, yet won't even TRY to do anything fun with us ( me, our 2 yr old son and infant daughter) My parents are always willing to watch the kiddos but my DH doesn't want to do anything at all.  I am almost to my breaking point and about to give up.I asked him if we could go to a Marriage counselor he said that is retarded and pointless and couples should be able to fix their own problems without help. We can't fix our problems because he doesn't want to do anything about it. He just calls me selfish for always making it about ME ME ME, Yes I would love a couple of days away from the kids but won't get that anytime soon.

 

I don't know what else to do... suggestions?

 

 

After telling him about this on christmas eve ( when he left me at home with the baby to go next door to drop off food, which ended up turning into him watching the game, he was gone for about 2 hours) Our roomie invited him to go watch the fight on the 30th and I for some reason agreed ( maybe setting up my husband to piss me off without knowing it)  My husband sounds super excited about it..... I guess everything I've told him about US time has escaped his mind yet again. If I tell him he can't go he will be livid with me. We are already going out with friends for new years but it's not family only time.

 

He always complains that I go out all the time... I go to the gym and sometimes to get coffee with my bestfriend or dinner since he won't go. I am an active person I have to be doing something because I get bored very easily and sitting/cleaning at home all day gets boring since I just stopped going to school to have baby #2 oh and if he does suggest something it's super expensive that he knows we can't go to.If we do make plans ( to go somewhere like my parents, friends house or something fun for our son) he usually 90% of the time throws a fit and says he doesn't wanna go a hour before we need to leave ( he did this 3 weekends in a row)

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#2 of 8 Old 12-27-2011, 05:25 PM
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(((hugs)))  Have you thought about going to Alanon for family members of alcoholics?  I don't know if you consider him an alcoholic or not, but all the lying and hiding and never wanting do anything with the one person who would put a check on his drinking, sounds very much like he has a serious problem.  However, his problem doesn't have to be yours and this support group might help.  (hugs)


 
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#3 of 8 Old 12-27-2011, 05:36 PM
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As you may have read, one of my bils has serious addiction issues.  He lies so much, dh is never sure what the truth is where his brother is concerned.  My sister also has addiction issues and she is a chronic liar as well.  Dh and I have found this webpage helpful in dealing with a recent issue with his brother.  You may find it helpful as well:  http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/Addiction_Lies_Rel.html  


 
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#4 of 8 Old 12-28-2011, 07:15 AM - Thead Starter
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Thank you! He is an alcoholic and he knows it. He won't go to any classes or support groups because it can affect his job, which I think it total BS! I tried clicking on the link but it didn't work for me :(

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#5 of 8 Old 12-28-2011, 04:12 PM
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If you google Personal Exceptionalism + addiction, it will be one of the top links, if not the top link.  My bil thinks he is god's gift to everything and is soooo special and sooo much better than everyone else - especially women.  I wondered why that was, and why he was such a liar.  This article is mainly about addicts and habitual lying, however, there is a large section about personal exceptionalism.  I don't know if this is a problem your dh has.  It's just a part of the whole lying issue discussed on the site. 


 
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#6 of 8 Old 12-29-2011, 06:45 AM - Thead Starter
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I will check it out when he's not home LOL.

 

 

I think he finally got the hint, he isn't going out with our roomie he's gonna take me and our son out. YAY My friend suggested that we schedule 1 day a week for FAMILY time So we are going to try that. Still need to fix the lying drinking issue tho.

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#7 of 8 Old 12-30-2011, 10:01 AM
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The important thing is for you and the kids to be happy and feel better. ((hugs))


 
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#8 of 8 Old 01-03-2012, 06:23 AM
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Just a thought, SA is a huge city.  If he goes to a nonmilitary affiliated AA, how will  they ever know about his drinking problem?  If they see him there, they are also at an AA meeting - meaning they have the same problem.  Besides, the military is chuck full of people with drinking problems.  I hated spending my after hours with my AF co-workers because so much heavy drinking went on and not all of it was fun - some of it was hard core alcoholic type drinking.  I'm just saying this sounds like another excuse to keep doing exactly as he wants to.  ((hugs)) How was New Years for you?


 
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