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#1 of 8 Old 10-01-2001, 01:10 PM - Thead Starter
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I am so sick of Jamie never taking up for me. I mean, when my mom says something that I disagree to Jamie or about Jamie I fuss and usually we get into a disagreement. I always take up for Jamie. But Jamie, he just says that it is b/c I hate his mother. I can see why he would think I did...heck knows she has done enough to make me, but I don't. I like his mom. She and I just have disagreements constantly! I want Jamie to take up for me and to talk to his mother when she does these things!!! I really just want his support!!! He said he was sorry and that he is a jerk..of course that makes me feel just awful and I tell him he is not!!!

Another thing...that woman pisses me off b/c Jamie is 21 and she still opens his mail!! Then he got a phone call from the bank about his motorcycle loan and see, his mom thinks it was paid off but instead Jamie used it to take us to the beach!!! and they called to tell him he had missed a payment. FIRST one he has ever missed! And his mom took his loan book and he has to pay her each month!!! HELLO!!!! He is 21..he can take care of his d#$% self and it is none of her d#$% business. Sorry for the language but that really makes me mad. My parents do not read my mail nor have anything to do with my bills!!! BUT does Jamie stand up to her. NO!!! I just wish he would!
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#2 of 8 Old 10-01-2001, 03:00 PM
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Den does not stick up for me either. But I have learned that if I want to be with Denny I have to put up with his step mom. Trust me it gets easier when you realize that. When you realize you are going to see her for the rest of your life, one of you has to bend a little and tolerate something. In our case with Den not sticking up for me worked out okay because it would have just caused more problems and Den would have looked bad to his dad. And if he had to stick up for me over everything he would constantly be saying stuff to defend me! It is hard! I just realized I had to be the better person and ignore her and not let the things she said bother me. She does not have as much fun saying things about me because I do not let it get to me anymore. Believe it or not we actually get a long now because I just let what she said go.

I have one question about the loan..are his parents are co signers? If they actually have a right to open up mail that comes from his loan. I know my dad co signed a loan for my brother's new car and when he was one payment late the bank sent a note TO MY DAD saying do you know this has not been paid this month. That could have been the case with him. The bill actually used to come with my my brother's name first and my dad's name second on the outside of the envelope. If they did cosign they have a right to make him pay it every month ONTIME because it makes their credit bad just not his. But I don't know if they are co signers. I just know when you are younger it is hard to get a loan at some banks without a cosign. But if they aren't they don't have any right to open his mail. I would never open Christian's mail when he was older unless it pertained to me and well us cosigning a loan defintaly would pertain to me!

I am really sorry you are still having problems with her! I do hope eventually the stop so that she is not annoying you forever!!!
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#3 of 8 Old 10-02-2001, 01:43 AM
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This woman seems to be a real piece of work!!!!! She makes my MIL sound like Mother Theresa and I can't ever do things right by her. But then again, I have a secret weapon--I use my FIL and my SIL to bolster my spirits--and when that doesn't work I talk to
a friend OR as stupid as it sounds, I go into the bathroom (any place where I'm alone) and say all kinds of horrible things, just to myself so I can vent. SOunds childish but works!!

Good Luck
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#4 of 8 Old 10-02-2001, 10:25 AM - Thead Starter
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Wendy,
Yes, Jamie's dad signed the loan but they do not just open that mail. They open ALL his mail. Even bills for Alexis! That just irritates me. And my father never opens my bills and he signed my car loan!!! I don't know...seems like an evasion of privacy to me....And thanks...I hope they stop eventually too!! Like now...lol!!

TLA - I will have to remember the venting in the bathroom thing!! LOL!!
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#5 of 8 Old 10-03-2001, 05:36 PM
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Diana, I am sorry that you don't get along with your MIL - I'm sure it makes things hard. I remember when my husband and I were living with my MIL and SIL and her husband right after my older son Richie was born. We were 21 too and here is what I did with our mail - I got a P.O. Box! That way only we ever saw our mail. Although if Jamie misses a payment again a letter will still come to his dad. But it would at least solve one problem...

Good luck and here is some good news...I really resented a lot of what my MIL did while we were living there, but later after we moved out and especially now, she is my best friend and I don't know what I would do without her.
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#6 of 8 Old 10-04-2001, 03:27 AM
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Diana! I can relate to this 150% Kennys mom is the same way! But worse!! And we have to live with her right now, Imagine that! She is the total worst, ALWAYS In his business. Wants to know what we bought why we bought it how much money he has or doesn't have what his schedule is, what he makes a week she wants to know "what was that you got in the mail" and on occasions, Opens it. Thats if I don't get to the mail box first And about Jamies loan, Thats exactly how Kennys mom and dad did him and he paid THEM everytime he got paid, **** they even made him give them the money for insurance so they could go pay it, THEN When he came to see me when I was at my moms, they didn't like the idea he was with me so they came and TOOK the car and turned back in to the car dealership! It was a 99 Camaro and he only had about 8 more months to pay! And still to this day they say, He couldn't afford it! Well woopdie woo thats HIS decision! I wish I knew something to tell you that would stop her from treating him like a kid! I hate that too!!! I wish you the best of luck!! I know it drives me crazy and stress me out, but I have tried to ignore it since I know for sure that she won't ever give up! Just nosey! lol
Don't let it stress you out! Good luck!
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#7 of 8 Old 10-08-2001, 03:29 PM
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Diana,
I think you have every right to expect Jamie to take up for you. You are his fiancee, soon-to-be wife, and the mother of his child. It is time for Jamie to put Alexis and you ahead of his mother.

If Jamie thinks his mother is right, then he needs to tell her so, but he also needs to tell her that she can't speak to or about you the way she does and that she needs to be more considerate of you. After all, you are the mother of her granddaughter!!

Personally, I just think there's no excuse for not sticking up for your spouse. There are nice ways to do it and ways to do it without taking sides. Maybe if Jamie started defending you then his mom would see how much he truly loves you and would begin to treat you with a little more respect.

And when Jamie tells you he is sorry and that he is a jerk - agree with him!! Don't let him off the hook so easily. Maybe if he started having to take a little heat for not taking up for you then he would start!!

As for opening his mail, I agree that they have no right to do so. Except for situations where his parents are the co-signers of the loan, then they have a right to know because it is their credit on the line. As far as everything else, I like the suggestion of post office box.

Good Luck with it all!!
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#8 of 8 Old 10-08-2001, 04:11 PM
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Well, if it makes you feel any better ... I did have some similar problems when Mike and I were first married. His ex left his mother believing that I was the reason they split up (even though she had moved 2000+ miles away a month before we met).

So initially, she used to talk about the ex to Mike like I wasn't even there. She felt so sorry for her ... she gave her extra money because she just couldn't make it on her own ... she felt so bad that she was crying and missing Mike ... yadda, yadda, yadda. Mike had never told his mom what happened because he didn't want her to dislike the ex since she lived fairly close and visited his daughter frequently.

The real kicker was right after Jessi was born, we flew out to visit his mom, and the ex brought Mike's daughter down to visit. She announced that she wanted us to ALL spend a day together (which just happened to be my birthday!) and when I refused, my MIL couldn't quite understand why.

So I finally put my very hormonal post-partum foot down and told DH that he could tell his mother the truth, or I would. He finally told her the story ... the whole story ... and that completely changed things. Ever since then, my MIL and I get along great and she rarely mentions the ex in front of me, unless it happens to be a conversation about my SD.

I guess what I'm getting at here is that if you don't demand he stand up for you, he probably won't. Most men are "mama's boys" and have a problem standing up against them. Perhaps you just need to remind him who he's going to have to spend the rest of his life with. LOL

Good luck!
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