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#1 of 23 Old 02-04-2002, 01:08 AM - Thead Starter
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I posted this in another thread to, but I thought it should go here as well....

This may come as a shock to many of you, but I weigh nearly 300 pounds, and I've been hiding behind my moderator picture to long! Mostly b/c I am ashamed of myself. I used to be so pretty, and so happy with myself, and it's hard to look at myself this overweight. I wear a size 22/24, and I am sick of it! Thankfully I was a real muscular person to begin with so I carry my weight well and it doesn't restrict me. That wont last forever, so I need to get my butt in gear.

I gained weight with 3 of my pregnancies, and I was sick for over a year with a birth defect that could have taken my life. I was reduced to sitting around all day just to stay alive. I can't tell you how many tears I shed b/c I couldn't live a normal daily life. I had the surgery that saved my life 2 years ago this month. After my surgery I couldn't even walk well since my legs had been inactive from being in the hospital bed so long. I couldn't even move my head to the side it hurt so bad(they opened up the bottom of my skull to allow more room for fluid to flow thru, basically before they did that the fluids couldn't flow thru my brain well, they were getting blocked). I spent a lot of time in physical therapy, and I have spent a long time just building up the enduarce to do normal things that people do everyday. Honestly I have been capable of exercising for the past 6 months, but I have been so overwhelmed by all the weight I have to lose, it seemed hopeless to me at the time. It just hit me last week, that I CAN DO THIS! And I WILL, b/c I am strong, and I don't ever let anything stand in my way! So basically I finally woke up from my pity party!

I am really scared about telling everyone this about myself b/c so many people have been so cruel to me. I remember I was in the car one day, and this group of teenage girls pulled up beside us. Our windows were down b/c it was a nice day and the girls were laughing and pointing at me. I can't tell you how horrible that made me feel! I just cried when they were out of sight. People always look at me funny, and like I am disgusting. Even my own inlaws said they didn't like me at first just because I was overweight. So that's why I have never told anyone here about my weight, b/c I wanted to be accepted just like everyone else, and I didn't want people to judge me for my weight. I've never had a weight problem in my life, so I am not used to this kind of rejection from people.

So now that everyone knows my honest weight, I will tell you my goal weight which is 170 pounds. Thats what I was before I had Michael and should put me at a size 9/10. I was happy with myself at that size, and I was skinny and healthy. So that's my goal for now. If I still need to lose more when I get to 170, then I will change my goal. But honestly I think I would look sickly if I lost anymore than that since I carry my weight REALLY well. The one thing I got going for me at this point, LOL.

Thanks for listening, sorry it was so long, but I thought I should let everyone know how I got to this point!

Here is a picture of what I really look like now. I am holding my nephew Brandon in this picture. Oh and I wear glasses now to.
LL
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#2 of 23 Old 02-04-2002, 03:49 AM
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Tara, You are beautiful. I thought that was a really pretty picture. I am sorry that people have been cruel to you. I know how that feels, and how much it hurts. But remember that what is inside that body is more important. You have survived... and you will lose the weight. The fact that you were always muscular will work in your favor. LY.... HUGS
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#3 of 23 Old 02-04-2002, 03:51 AM
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Tara! You have nothing to be ashamed of!! I tell you the honest truth....i think that you are prettier in the new pic that you sent then the one you have as a mod pic! You are beautiful, girl!!! That mod pic really does not do you justice! You should change it to this new one...it is a gr8 picture of yourself. LY
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#4 of 23 Old 02-04-2002, 04:21 AM
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That took a lot of courage to put up your picture. I am overweight, too. You are right. People can be cruel. That's what I mean when I complain about the Brittney Spears types. But you can't live your life around them. You just have to hold you head up proud and say to yourself, "You may laugh at me walking or jogging or doing exercises, but I'm doing this for myself not for you. Eat my dust!"

I had a stupid little punk teenaged boy make fun of me the other day. He made sure he I heard him, too. This was bad of me, but he was riding his skateboard without a helmet. So I said, "Well I may be fat, but I won't be in the emergancy room in an hour, because I was too stupid to wear a helmet while riding my skateboard." Little punk and his friends must have thought over what I said, because I saw them an hour later in the student union and they were respectful to me.

 
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#5 of 23 Old 02-04-2002, 10:45 AM
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Oh Tara you are just beautiful girl!!

I am so sorry for all the medical troubles you have had to go through! But you made it through that ... so if you wanna loose weight ... I know you can do it!!

Other people can be so cruel ... in many different ways. The outer apperiance of a person is not the entire person. I can tell from all your posts that you are a fantastic person ... and now that I have seen your newest picture, I have to say not only are you fantastic ... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!

We are here for you!
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#6 of 23 Old 02-04-2002, 10:52 AM
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Tara--You are beautiful! I understand how it feels to gain a lot of weight with a pregnancy, plus you were sick. I know you can do this, and I will be here to support you and help in any way I can! I am so proud of you!!
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#7 of 23 Old 02-04-2002, 05:08 PM - Thead Starter
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Thank you Ladies!! I had tears in my eyes reading your replies to my post! It's nice to know that there are some people who will accept me for who I am!

Thanks for making me feel good about myself!

By the way, I wasn't happy at all about taking that picture, that's why I have a smirk on my face, LOL!
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#8 of 23 Old 02-04-2002, 05:52 PM
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Tara - You are a beautiful person! Don't let ANYONE tell you any different!!!!!!! I am kind of big myself. I've been hovering over 245 lbs for a while now (I'm 5'8") so to me I'm pretty overweight myself. And I'm trying to get pg so I know I'll be bigger.
People can be cruel, but we here at BabyU, as you know, will NOT judge you!!! We love you! We are here to support you.
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
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#9 of 23 Old 02-04-2002, 08:20 PM - Thead Starter
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Thanks Cheryl!!
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#10 of 23 Old 02-07-2002, 02:55 PM
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Tara - I had tears in my eyes as I read your post. You are such a brave woman to tell your story and post a picture. I have held off telling my weight because I am so ashamed of it, but after reading your story, I finally have the courage to do it.

I am 5'1" and weigh 185. I'll post the rest of my story in my journal.

I just wanted to let you know that I admire you very much for what you have done and thank you more than I can ever express for giving me the courage to post my weight.

You are a beautiful person and I am so sorry that people have been so mean to you. I know it is just their ignorance and fear that causes them to act the way they do, but it doesn't help when you are the one they are targeting.

Thank you again and together we will meet our goals!!
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#11 of 23 Old 02-07-2002, 03:08 PM - Thead Starter
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Thank you Lisa for your kind words!!

I'm so happy I was able to help you!! I think it took a lot of courage for you say that about your weight!!!! I know we'll be able to lose it!!
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#12 of 23 Old 02-07-2002, 06:06 PM
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Tara,

I think you look great! You are a very beautiful lady! Don't let those girls in that car bother you! They must have no problem being cruel and from talking to you and becoming friends with you, I know you are not like that!

GO TARA!! I know you can do it!!
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#13 of 23 Old 02-07-2002, 06:43 PM
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Tara, you are a wonderful and beautiful person inside and out.
I admire your courage and I wish you the best of luck losing weight. As soon as my surgery and recovery are over I hope to join all you ladies and lose weight myself.

My confession...
My Mod picture is 6 yrs old and I weighed 50 lbs less than I do now!

Elaine White

I'd love to be the ideal mother but I'm too busy raising my kids.

Haley Olivia 8-17-96 ~ Zachary Tyler 4-30-01 ~ Asher Mackenzie born an angel 2-26-03 ~ Brenna Grace 5-4-06
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#14 of 23 Old 02-12-2002, 11:36 PM
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Don't be ashamed. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Some people's beauty transcends their weight, I am not just saying this to make you feel better, you ARE beautiful. You look great in that picture. You really do. You have the most beautiful hair, and the prettiest face, too! You are right, you "wear" your weight very well, I never would have guessed, you are so pretty in that picture.
Snot-nosed bitch teenagers are just that- and immature to boot. The reason ppl do that is because they, themselves are insecure. Alot of teenage girls live in mortal fear of having someone think they are "fat". Our body image as women is the hardest hurdle we have to overcome in life, I think.
I also know how it feels to be teased. I was a chunky child, and as a teenager I lost alot of weight (from 145 to 110 lbs.) I still felt bad, even when I was skinny. My whole world and self-esteem revolved around my weight. I know how bad you can feel when you aren't happy about how you look, it affects everything you do whether you think it does or not.
Lol, I also know what you mean about the mod pic....mine was taken 3 years ago, when I was alot thinner, too....but thruthfully, it's one of the few pics I have of me (on the computer). We all want to look our best on these 1,000+ posts we have! lol
I am so proud of you, for your courage and your determination. I will atand behind you no matter what you weigh! We love you for who you are, not what you look like.

ps- You've given me courage. If you've noticed, I have never posted my weight either, it will be alot easier if I just say it, I think I'll go do that now. So you don't have to hunt it down, for the record, I am 5'3" (well, 5'2 and 2/3", lol) and right now I weigh 159. I was 172 at Christmas, but starving does has one advantage, lol. I want to get down to 135. I also wear my weight very well (muscular, like you are) so most ppl would never know.
See what your courage has done?! You've inspired us!
Love ya
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#15 of 23 Old 02-13-2002, 01:32 AM
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Tara,

It took a lot of courage for you to post this and I admire you for your courage.

I know what it was like being over 300 pounds. When I was 6 months pregnant with Michael, I was over 310 pounds. That was not my highest weight.

My highest weight was in my first marriage when I weighed close to 380 and closing in on 400 pounds. With diabetes and complications, I had to lose that weight. I walked at first because just walking I was out of breath. I ate low fat/low sugar /low carborhydrate foods. Basically a diabetic diet. It took a long time to lose that first 10 pounds then slowly they came off. My lowest weight was after my divorce with my first husband Ben when I wieghed 230.

When I met Timothy I weighed about 250 and gained wieght during my pregnancy. At present I weigh 267.

I want to lose this wieght and my goal is to weigh at least 180 pounds because I am 5' 6" and have a large body frame.

Thank you for being an inspiration to me and others...

~~Sandra~~
A preemie's pooh to Michael born Decemeber 1, 1999 weighing 2 pounds and 6 ounces with an apgar score of 1. and wife and soulmate to Timothy Lee

~~Visit Michael's webpage~~
www.babiesonline.com/babies/t/tigerpup


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#16 of 23 Old 02-13-2002, 01:44 AM - Thead Starter
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You ladies are just to much!! I'm so greatful to know people like you, and I'm happy I could inspire someone else! You didn't need me to inspire you, b/c you are strong, courageous women yourselves!

Thanks again for accepting me for who I am, and for making me feel beautiful!!
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#17 of 23 Old 02-13-2002, 02:09 AM
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Tara, honey, I am so proud of you! Not only do you have the courage and strength to tell your weight, and your story, but you have the will to do something about it.
I have always been rather chunky. I lost 40 lbs, I was soo proud of myself, then not 2 months later, I got pregnant. The last time I weighed, wich was thursday before I went into labor, I was 219lbs. And now I am going to do what I can to loose what I can. although it won't be til I go back to the doctors.
You are a beautiful woman. And I mean that, not just on the inside, but the outside as well. And I would kill to have your hair LOL.
I too wear glasses. (when I have to) And my mod pic was taken when Duncan was 9 months old, so that tells ya how long it's been LOL. I felt safe putting up pregnancy pictures, I could blame the weight on the baby. Not anymore. I am right there with ya. I have been teased and called names because of my weight. You can do this! I know you can! And when I can, I will join you!
LY!
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#18 of 23 Old 02-21-2002, 03:15 PM
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Tara you are a beautiful woman.....its too bad that society is so ugly. when Iwas pregnant with my dd I gained 70 lbs.....people woudl point and chuckle and whisper behind my back too....It is an awful feeling. My dh is the one who pointed out that it isn't how we look on the outside, but how we are on the inside. A lot of the time a real good looking guy or gal can be as ugly as sin on the inside.........where as someone like my friend Christine (who is very overweight, and beautiful like you), is the most gorgeous person i know inside too!!

Keep smiling, and good luck with the weight loss, I know you can do it
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#19 of 23 Old 02-23-2002, 07:08 PM
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Tara, you are beautiful. Nothing will ever change that. No matter what people say!!!! You are a great person. And you are one of the most wonderful people I have ever met in my life!!!!! I hope that you do get to the weight that you want to be. Being happy with yourself is important. But if it helps I think you are beautiful!!!!
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#20 of 23 Old 02-24-2002, 01:03 AM
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I think you are absolutly BEAUTIFUL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#21 of 23 Old 02-24-2002, 01:14 AM - Thead Starter
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Thank you all so much!!!!!!!! You are all very sweet!!
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#22 of 23 Old 04-26-2002, 12:19 AM
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Tara, personally, I think either picture is beautiful of you. You are gorgeous.

I am sorry about the teenage girls. They can always be so mean. Do you remember that movie with Kathy Bates? I don't remember the name of the movie. However, she is in her older car. Some teen girls race up in their car steal her space. They get out and say, "Face it, lady. We are younger, faster, and more beautiful than you." She hits and pushes their car out of her way. She says, "Face it, girls. I'm older, smarter, and have more insurance." I feel that way so much, even though I am not nearly as old as Kathy Bates is.

Anyway, nearly 300. No problem. I am 219. So, we are about in the same boat.
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#23 of 23 Old 04-26-2002, 09:46 PM - Thead Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by Annaberk
Tara, personally, I think either picture is beautiful of you. You are gorgeous.

I am sorry about the teenage girls. They can always be so mean. Do you remember that movie with Kathy Bates? I don't remember the name of the movie. However, she is in her older car. Some teen girls race up in their car steal her space. They get out and say, "Face it, lady. We are younger, faster, and more beautiful than you." She hits and pushes their car out of her way. She says, "Face it, girls. I'm older, smarter, and have more insurance." I feel that way so much, even though I am not nearly as old as Kathy Bates is.

Anyway, nearly 300. No problem. I am 219. So, we are about in the same boat.
@ the Kathy Bates movie....I have never seen it but that is to funny!!!

Thank you for the compliment! Thankfully I am 2 sizes smaller now, and 30 or so pounds lighter...still a long way to go. Some days are frustrating, but I just keep trying.
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