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#1 of 21 Old 11-24-2002, 04:01 PM - Thead Starter
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I have always wanted to tell you about the second life I have led. Will now I am going to tell you. Please be gentle with me. For about two years I have been seeing a guy at the casino and he is 7 years younger then me. Now I know what you are all thinking. Not as bad as you think. We did kiss once just a peck on New Year's Eve and that is it. Yes I do sometimes feel quilty of this what ever you call it relationship. We started out as friends and then it got deep I guess. We bought things for each other and talked on the phone now and then and I was always going to see him at work. Yup I met him at the Casino and that is where he works. He is married and has 4 boys and a step daughter. His wife is real pretty and nice too. Jimmy was aware of the other guy and trusted us as friends same as his wife. I am telling you we only kissed that one time. The reason I feel for this double life is because I was hearing things that I do not get at home. He made me feel wanted and loved, which I have not felt in along time. Well I could go on and on about this but the relationship between this other guy and I are done I have not spoke or seen him in 2 to 3 months now. That is why I changed my email address and my phone number, so he could not get a hold of me.
I have to say giving up the double life has made things better at home. I am sleeping normal hours and I am getting things down around the house. Jim seems to like life a better because things are getting done and we are saving money from me not going to the casino.
Thanks for letting me share and the reason why I am posting now is I have been thinking of this other guy again and wanting to make up with him and I know this is wrong and life is good so why mess it up. I am lonely and he filled that void.
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#2 of 21 Old 11-24-2002, 05:50 PM
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I am not sure what to say to you hon. You guys have done nothing wrong...heck everyone kisses everyone on New YEars Eve.....and your respective spouses know about each other. It is sad though that this man is telling thigns to you taht your own dh won't say....and yes you have every right to enjoy the feelings of being loved (without cheating of course). I don't feel you were doign anything wrong....

as you said....since you ended your friendship (and lets face it that is what it is) with this man things at home have been better....but are you any happier???? I think it is ok to have a friendship with someone....and although a friendship should not be more important than your marriage.....you need to be happy too..

I am not sure what I am trying to say to you Annie I just want you to be happy.......I am here for you girl and you know that. You need to do what is best for yOU and what is goign to make you Happy.....messge me if you need to
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#3 of 21 Old 11-24-2002, 06:39 PM
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#4 of 21 Old 11-24-2002, 08:28 PM - Thead Starter
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Thanks Michele and if I feel like talking I will Message you. Thanks Kim for the hugs. I hope to find happiness someday and one of my biggest fears is that happiness will come when I am dead. That is when I will be at peace and no worries and pain and I know that love will be all around me. Sad isn't it?
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#5 of 21 Old 11-24-2002, 08:30 PM
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Hey Hon, Love ya!!
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#6 of 21 Old 11-24-2002, 08:39 PM - Thead Starter
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Thanks Maree and I know you do.
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#7 of 21 Old 11-24-2002, 08:46 PM
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I'm no one to judge. When I was single, I fell deeply in love with a married guy who seemed to be in love with me, too and it was not innocent. We do the best we can, Annie. That's all anyone can ever expect out of us.

 
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#8 of 21 Old 11-24-2002, 08:57 PM
 
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Annie, I wonder the same as Michele, Are you Happy? I'm glad things are better at home, but still wonder if YOU are happy, Annie. Happier than before can still be miserable, I KNOW. PM me or IM me ANYTIME if you need to talk.
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#9 of 21 Old 11-24-2002, 11:11 PM - Thead Starter
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Lenora thanks for understanding and not judging me and Elsie thanks if I need to talk I will diffently IM you. I feel I am happy somedays and other days I am so unhappy.
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#10 of 21 Old 11-25-2002, 04:55 AM
 
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Thank you for trusting us and having enough courage to share your confession with us. We love you unconditionally Annie
Let me know if you need anything at all, I am here for you.
[email protected] or you can PM me if you prefer
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#11 of 21 Old 11-25-2002, 10:22 AM
 
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Annie I am so proud of you that you posted this! I know it must have been really hard to do it. But I know that everyone loves you and will not judge you of think of you any differently. I am glad that things are going better at home and I hope they continue to improve!
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#12 of 21 Old 11-25-2002, 04:36 PM
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Oh Annie that must have taken so much. I too am very proud of you. I truly hope you find happiness. It is there, it is just so hard to get to sometimes. We love you and are here for you anytime.
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#13 of 21 Old 11-25-2002, 04:42 PM
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I hope your happy in whatever you do. I defently agree with everyone else, it must have taken a lot to type down and let us in. Thank you.
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#14 of 21 Old 11-25-2002, 04:47 PM
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Annie

If you need me....
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#15 of 21 Old 11-26-2002, 01:30 AM - Thead Starter
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Thanks everyone. I talked to my Mom tonight and I asked her the big question and asked her if she is happy and she says does anyone know what happiness is. I said I am not sure, I think people do, you and I look at things so much differently then other people do. We see green on the other side and we want it. I said Mom I hate to say this to you but I step back and look at my life and look at yours for example and I get scared and I stop to think do I really have it that bad, many people live like I do and they just go on with life.

I guess what I am getting at I just like to be happy for a month out of my whole life. LOL That is a lot to be asking but I really want to feel it.

Thanks again and thanks for always loving me. That is so important to me.
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#16 of 21 Old 11-26-2002, 04:16 AM
 
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Annie
You are a very GOOD person.......
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#17 of 21 Old 11-26-2002, 04:24 AM - Thead Starter
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Thaks Pam You are a very good person too
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#18 of 21 Old 11-26-2002, 10:26 AM
 
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I'm proud of you. It had to take ALOT of courage to write this down. I understand when you don't feel loved at home and it finds you unexpectantly how it eels to just go with it. You did nothing wrong. You are going through alot right now and you're thinking you'll never be happy, you will you just need to decide what will make you happy and is reachable...life is never easy and let me tell you something even the people who seem to have it all can be down right unhappy too. We just don't always see it. I have felt that way many times in my marriage and have questioned myself about it. Normal. If you look deep inside and honestly answer questions you will find the answers you are looking for, they may not be easy ones or ones you really want to do, but search and you will find what you are looking for. In the mean time love yourself , you won't find love if you don't first love yourself. Nobodys perfect everyone has flaws, some are just better at hiding them then others. I hope that made sense and helped you. I care about you and it hurts to see you hurting like this. You are wonderful!!!!
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#19 of 21 Old 11-27-2002, 09:29 PM - Thead Starter
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Rebecca thank you and yes you made good sense to me. I do need to be happy with myself and that is so hard for me to do, since I do not like myself to well. I wanted to thank you for the letter you sent me I have one for you and I just can not get it in the mailbox. Silly me. Thanks for caring so much.
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#20 of 21 Old 11-27-2002, 09:45 PM
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I know this was hard for you to share! I think you shared this story with me before and I was proud of you for sharing! You needed something you were getting at home and its only natural to take it when its offered to you!

Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed! We love you so much and I know I am so proud of you for sharing and doing what you feel is right!
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#21 of 21 Old 11-27-2002, 09:52 PM - Thead Starter
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Wendy thanks so much that means a lot to me and yes I have shared with some of you about him. I am grateful to you that have listen to me about this and stuck by me.

Yes it was hard to tell. I was scared you all run from me like so many people have in the past. That is why I claim up and only talk to a few that I can trust. Thanks again Wendy. Love you too
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