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#1 of 19 Old 05-20-2002, 12:50 PM - Thead Starter
 
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As everyone knows Jamie and I are separated. Well, lately things have gotten worse b/t the two of us. He is always calling me when I am out. Cussing me, calling me a [email protected]#%^, b#$%^, among other things, just running his mouth. It is really bothering. And my friends fuss @ me b/c I keep saying how I am a b$%^&, that is should not let him get to me. Is this mental abuse?

I know he is just trying to make me hurt the way he is. He doesn't think it hurts me @ all. He is wrong.
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#2 of 19 Old 05-20-2002, 12:59 PM
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Yes it is emotional and mental abuse, and one of these days one of those punches he 'misses' you with, is not going to miss, then you can add physical as well.

Please be careful hun, and if you have an answer phone start recording his phone calls, try and have someone with you when he comes around, he may behave himself with someone there if not you have a witness.

I worry about you
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#3 of 19 Old 05-20-2002, 01:03 PM - Thead Starter
 
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That you Maree. I am hoping Jamie would not be stupid enough to actually hit me!!!! I forewarned him yesterday that this situation was getting more and more serious and that I would have to take action if he continued in this way. So I am giving it another week or two and seeing if he straightens up. Jamie is a great guy and all. I think he is just taking his rough time out on me. But he cannot do that. And if he does hit me then it is really going to go down!!!!!!!
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#4 of 19 Old 05-20-2002, 01:18 PM
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Hi Diana,
I hate to say it but Maree is right, that is emotional, verbal and mental abuse (they all kinda tie in with one another.) I hope to God he has enough brains to never hit you. Please just be careful, and if it gets too bad have someone with you when he picks up and drops off Alexis.....its better to be safe than sorry...andif he asks why so and so is there, tell him its because of his behavoir

I am with Maree too, start at least writing down ALL he says and does with the dates, times, places...e.verything. This can all come in very handy if you need it....andif you can, start recording some of thestuff that you can too.

I hope that this helps you....and I hope you are ok. Please remember we are here for you if you need to talk
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#5 of 19 Old 05-20-2002, 01:23 PM - Thead Starter
 
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You guys have given me a lot to think about. I believe I will start writing it down. In case it goes any further than it has! I wasn't sure whether to consider it mental abuse or not @ first but then it started to really get to me. I am just hoping and praying!
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#6 of 19 Old 05-20-2002, 02:05 PM
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Diana, also let your lawyer at legal aid know what is going on. Copy the answering machine tapes for them and give them copies of the list you are going to make. They need to know about this just in case. Also, that way someone else has copies if need be.

I'm thinking of you hun!

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#7 of 19 Old 05-20-2002, 02:20 PM
 
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Wether he actually ever hits you or not does not matter. Yes, you are being abuse AND calling you those things can be a crime in certain places. That's actually assault. It only becomes A&B when physical action takes place-pushing, shoving etc.
Many women who are emotionally and physically abused over a long period of time often say emotional is WORSE that physical-
I know I've said that for years.
Do not believe or agree with anything that he says like that it's simply not true. If the phone calls are bothering yout too much ask him not to call. If he continues get a protection or restraining order--especially if he threatens you in any way. It's good that you know this is serious. Far too many don't.
It may also be helpful to you to find a support group that you can talk to. Good luck!!
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#8 of 19 Old 05-20-2002, 05:12 PM
 
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Diana--Most definitely this IS abuse! Please do not let him treat you like this, he has no right to take his "bad time" out on you. Is he saying these things in front of Alexis? She can feel the tension and understand the anger, believe me, I went through it with Faith. You need to tell him he has no right to speak to you in that way, or you will have to set up a neutral person to drop Alexis off at and he can pick her up there. You have put up with enough already. I agree with Maree, document every nasty thing he says, and also if he throws a punch whether it hits you or not. Him punching walls or anything else is intimidation and you don't have to take it. Please Diana, be careful. Let us know that you are okay. If you need to talk I am here!
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#9 of 19 Old 05-20-2002, 05:44 PM - Thead Starter
 
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Thank you guys. Sometimes thing happen in front of Alexis. But I try to take her out of the room or something. Or at least tell Jamie to get out that we can discuss this on the phone where she cannot here. But I cannot say that I have not backfired @ him calling me names. I don't want to sit there and take it. I am afraid he could turn around and say that I was verbally abusing him also. I try not to say anything that could be used against me but sometimes I do. But I have never said anything about him like him calling me a
b$#%^. Just told him he was being a jerk. I mean, he doesn't bother me with the phone calls as bad unless it is his night to keep Alexis. Shouldn't he be concentrating more on her those nights than cont. calling me to accuse me of stuff?!? I don't call him when he is out and say he is out sleeping around or something. In fact the only times I call him is when he has Alexis and I want to check in on her. And those conversations are not long at all. But he always had to talk about stuff when he calls and when I get off or hang up he calls back 5 - 6 times. And he leaves all the msgs going on and on about how he loves me, and how could I do this to him, and why do I have to go out with guys (I don't know where he even gets that....I haven't been), and says I am being mean. He tells me I don't care at all about him anymore and that he needs my help. I told him I do care but that he needs help from someone else, a therapist. I try not to get upset with him for these things but they are starting to get to me. I mean, I should be able to go out, call to check on my daughter, and so forth without having to go through a drawn out questionaire about what I am doing. And hearing about how I am such a mean person and doing this and that. When I am not doing anything close to what he thinks!!!! I am just fed up. But he has done good since Sunday. We will see what happens.
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#10 of 19 Old 05-20-2002, 06:50 PM
 
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Well if it makes you feel any better my ex used to tell everyone in the town of 300 that I was having a lesbian affair with my best friend- like that was gonna happen. Good luck
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#11 of 19 Old 05-21-2002, 12:57 AM
 
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Diana

Yelling and name calling = Verbal abuse

degrading statements and derragotory names = Mental/emotional abuse

hitting = physical abuse

forced sexual contact of any kind = sexual abuse

You can't say a man can have "enough brains" to stop short of hitting you. If he is an abusive person, he will use whatever tools he needs to get to you.

The whole point of abuse is to have an impact, to MATTER in the person's life. Once the verbal abuse is ineffective they will start emotional and mental abuse. Then they will (and I do mean WILL, as in, they WILL) graduate to physical abuse. Once that line has been crossed, sexual abuse is very likely to follow.

Watch out.

He needs to not be allowed any contact with you or the kids while he is cussing, yelling, name calling, or being irrational. Period.

Too dangerous.

Has he had a complete medical workup? Many times early symptoms of type 2 diabetes as well as other diseases will present this way.

It's worth a try.

Good luck!
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#12 of 19 Old 05-21-2002, 01:13 PM
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Diana,

I have to agree with what the ladies have told you. This is a form of verbal and emotional abuse. Tim is like that also. There is a post here that lists abuser's tactics and covers verbal abuse. You should read it and determine if your Dh is using these tactics to hurt you and make you feel miserable.

https://www.babyuniversity.com/forums...threadid=18113

I looked at that list and Tim used many of them on throughout the years. I am fortunate that Tim and I are going through couple's/marriage counseling to work this out.

Keep us imformed and I hope things change for the better.

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#13 of 19 Old 05-27-2002, 01:58 AM
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Diana hun I see you haven't posted here in awhile. I know you still care about Jamie and most of us do not know what Jamie is like and you do. Remember that your friends here only hear your storie and not Jamie's. They do not hate him for they do not know him. They just care about you because they do know you and they love you. What they are saying is to watch yourself with him and take careful steps. Taping him or recording anything that you think is important then do it. Tape it or write it down. I know you do not want to hurt Jamie more, I know you share a bond with him and you haven't been married long, but you have been together for awhile now and I know you as a caring, loving person and worried what others think including Jamie now.

The Jamie I remember use to trick me when he use to get on the computer and pretend to be you. He was funny and I think he was loving too. Jamie has changed since life has changed. I believe that his words and threats hurt you and you are confused to see a different side of Jamie that you have never seen. You want to still trust him because he is a man you care deeply for and the father of your daughter. What the girls are saying is it is possiable Jamie has changed because of the situration and they just want you to be careful, because we all love you.

I pray that Jamie would never do anything to jepordize your realationship as Mother and Father of Alexis and if he does he will pay dearly. He will make it harder to see Alexis when he wants to and so on. I also pray that Jamie does not ever hit you. I to will be very shocked if he does because that is not the Jamie I have learned about from you. I hate that he is being so mean and so angry about all this and does not trust you. I wish I could change that but I can't. I will pray for you all. DIANA , ALEXIS, AND JAMIE TOO.
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#14 of 19 Old 05-27-2002, 08:49 AM
 
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I am worried for you Diana. It IS abuse. I hope you are ok and everything is well with you! I agree with wildfire sometimes the verbal/emotional is worse than the physical abuse. Please be careful!
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#15 of 19 Old 05-27-2002, 11:24 AM - Thead Starter
 
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Sandra - Thanks for that url. I read it. Very interesting. Some of them do remind me of things Jamie had done. And also some of them remind me of what I have done. I know that it took two in this relationship and that I was not the perfect one!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH ANNIE!! You are so understanding. You know Jamie, Alexis, and I really well!!

Thanks Meagan!
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#16 of 19 Old 05-27-2002, 12:14 PM
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I am just glad I can be here for you.
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#17 of 19 Old 05-27-2002, 01:35 PM
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Hi Diana, I always forget to check in with this board, but I was readign your posts and stuff again....I just wanted to check in and let you know I am thinking of you and I hope all is going well
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#18 of 19 Old 05-27-2002, 10:34 PM
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I have been so busy with HOF that I have been ignoring a lot of posts--not on purpose though, I just honestly have not seen them.

It is abuse whether it is intentional on his part or not. I hope things work out for the best for you guys! Someday he will get over it and he will be satisfied with what you and he had and what a beautiful little girl you two made!

You know where I am if you need me!

Love ya
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#19 of 19 Old 05-30-2002, 01:25 AM - Thead Starter
 
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Thanks Michele & Wendy! Love you too!
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