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#1 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 09:54 AM - Thead Starter
 
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Hey yall,

I just wanted to say that this is my first post here, and this question has probably been asked many times before. This kind of long, but I will try to cover everything relating to the question so I don't have to keep answering questions.

The wife and I had our little girl on 1/30 of this year and she is our first child. Both of us are new to the parenting thing, so we don't exactly know what to do.

The first couple of nights that we had her home from the hospital, we kept her in the bed with us because we were not sure if she should sleep alone. We had our first pediatric apointment, and the Doc advised us that she should have been out of the bed and in a crib or basinet "yesterday". She advised us that it is dangerous to have them in the bed and so on and so forth. We are well aware of this now and see the risks.

So we moved her basinet right up to the edge of the bed, and we started letting her sleep there. She was fine for the first 2 or 3 nights and then all the sudden it was like a switch flipped. Now, she just refuses to sleep in her basinet at bedtime. Funny thing is, She spends most of her time in the basinet. Every day while Kimm (wife) is messing around in the house, she has Haleigh nearby in the basinet. She does not sleep all day, but she does spend most of her time in the basinet. She is content throughout the day and rarely cries.

I am worried that she will, or already has gotten used to us having her in the bed with us, and I know that it is imperative to her health and well being that she sleep alone in a crib or basinet. We are trying very hard to make her do this, but she starts to fuss every night at about 9pm. I get up very early for work, about 3:30am, so When I jump in the bed I always try to get to sleep pretty quick. She is really making this hard, because this often continues on into the night.

Things to check off the list: She has been fed and is full, burped. She always has a clean diaper. She is not sick or running a fever.

I am trying to break her of sleeping with us early on (now) so that she doesn't develop this bad habit and we have a time trying to break it. I do not want her still in the bed with us at 5-6-7 years old, like so many people's kids we know of. Kimm's mother instinct always kicks in, and she picks her up. Frankly, it is the only way we can get her to stop crying. If we put her in the bed with us she stops immediately. If we put her in the basinet, she starts back. Usually within about 30 seconds lol. We have a swing, and that sometimes does the trick, but the wife is afraid to leave her in it because after being in it for a little while she is sitting kind of funny when we go to check on her lol. She does wear the little harness, but she still somehow gets kind of cockeyed.

My main questions are:

Is it okay to let her cry herself to sleep in her basinet?

Do you guys have any tips for getting her to be more comfortable so she will not have such a problem in her basinet?
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#2 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 10:10 AM
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Actually, letting her sleep in the bed with you is called cosleeping and many people do it. I slept with my oldest until she was over a year old.

Here are some articles on the topic:

http://www.kir.org/babycontent/BABYCO-SLEEPING.htm

http://babyreference.com/Cosleeping&SIDSFactSheet.htm

People coslept with their babies for centuries before someone told them it was bad. If you are concerned about rolling over her while you are sleeping there are a number of devices available to prevent that. And of course, never sleep with a baby if you are drunk. What you and your wife are doing is called attachment parenting and there is nothing wrong with it. Many families here (including me) have done it. It's just an alternate style of parenting. You and your wife know what's best for your family and if attachment parenting is for you, then don't be scared off of it by an "expert". Don't feel bad for doing what's right for your family. Here's more information about attachment parenting by Dr. Sears:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp


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#3 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 10:17 AM
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Your baby sounds too young to cry it out. That is for older babies and toddlers. Yes, I have used CIA, but only on a baby that is several months old, never on a newborn. She was inside her mommy for 9 months, she just doesn't want to be alone. There are heartbeat monitors and womb sound cds you can buy, but it sounds like you both just want to do what you are doing without feeling guilty. Millions upon millions of people worldwide practice attachment parenting. You cannot hold a newborn too much. You cannot spoil a newborn with holding. cuddling and playing with her.

 
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#4 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 10:50 AM - Thead Starter
 
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cannot hold a newborn too much. You cannot spoil a newborn with holding. cuddling and playing with her.
We have figured this out. She was spoiled before she was born lol.
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#5 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 11:03 AM
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I'm conflicted on this matter. My first child coslept until he was 4 years old and it was a nightmare. I wished I had never done it. My second child absolutly refused to sleep in the basinet. I started putting in her in my bed and realized I wa creating another nightmare for myself. I switched her to her crib at 7 weeks old and she was fine. She loved it from the moment I put her in there and never once complained at night again. I loved the time I had with my first in my bed but I don't advise it because it was a hard habit to break.
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#6 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 11:06 AM
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First of all, Welcome and Congrats on your new baby!
I will admit to having let all 3 of my girls cry it out, but not when they were that little. For me that came around 6 -9 months of age. It was hard to do, but with them in a separate room it was a little easier than it would be in a bassinet next to my bed. I'm not sure I would have succeeded at the crying it out method if the baby had been right next to me.
If you want to let her sleep in your bed there are many items you can buy to make it safer for her... Here is just one example http://www.target.com/Supreme-Snuggl...e=1&rh=&page=1

If you don't want her in bed with you, then I have a few suggestions...
First, are you and your wife going to bed when you put her to bed, or do you wait a little while? It might be easier to do it seperately. She is comfortable in her bassinet, that is clear from your post so that is not part of the problem....
It may be a matter of missing the smell of Mommy when she goes to sleep, you could try sleeping with one of her blankets without her, and then using it in the crib so the smell is there.
A ticking clock placed near the crib, simulates the heart beat of Mom which she might be missing. Or you could purchase a stuffed animal made to do the same thing http://www.target.com/Original-Slumb...%20bear&page=1
The sounds and smells of Mom and Dad may help her sleep. You should try to establish a bedtime routine already... Feeding her, rocking her and singing a song etc before laying her down. Try to do the same routine for nap and bed time, dim the lights and leave the room. But she really is too little to cry it out. Leave her and see if she self soothes, but not for too long. Go back in and pat her on the back, give her back her pacifier if she uses one, pick her up and cuddle her to reassure her... then put her back in the crib and leave again. I hope this helps....
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#7 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 11:47 AM
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We cosleep...I also breastfeed which makes everything ever more easy...I just roll over and whip the boob out, and go back to sleep!
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#8 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 11:59 AM - Thead Starter
 
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We have tried putting a pillow case and kimm's clothes in the basinet with her, and we have tried putting a fan near the basinet (not blowing on her), we have tried the little spinning toy thing above the basinet, the vibrator thing, music...nothing really made a difference.

She is just being stubborn lol.
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#9 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 01:43 PM
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Did you say she was born Jan 30th or so? That is really too young to let her cry it out. She's still so young! She wants the security of having her Mommy & Daddy close to her and holding her. It does get easier I promise, but enjoy this snuggly time you have with her...in a few years she'll be ignoring you!
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#10 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 01:45 PM
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Oh and having her cosleep is safer IMO...she' right next to you and that way you're right there to check on her...odds are you're not going to roll over onto her. In the 7 years and 4 children we've had, we have never rolled over onto one of our children, and if you're worried about the covers smothering her you can keep her on top of the blankets and just dress her warmly.
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#11 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 02:21 PM
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I have to disagree with Becca ( which is.. rare for me I think.. heh) I dont agree with continued cosleeping. Now I nurse to so when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, I will pull them into the bed to sleep/nurse. But.. I think a husband and a wife need that closeness and time together in bed. I also think it deepends on how heavy a sleeper you and your wife are. My husband could roll over on a baby and NEVER know it. Me, I wake up if the kid sighs too loud.
As far as the bassinet at night goes.. Don't put her in it during the day. Use the swing, tummy time on the floor...the carseat, a bouncy seat. But not the bassinet. If you want her to sleep in it, fine, but not to play. If she doesn't associate that bed for sleeping, she won't want to sleep in it. make sense?
So put her in it only for naps nad bed time. Might take a while, but she will get used to it.
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#12 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 02:22 PM
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OH and I agree with everyone else, she is WAY TO LITTLE to let her cry herself to sleep. I never did that before mine were 9 months old.
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#13 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 02:40 PM
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I didn't mean to be condesending. Whatever makes your family happy and works for you is what is best. There are as many ways to parent as there are parents. I know when you are new to parenting, so called experts have a lot of advice to give. Some of it good, some of it not so good, some of it terrible. But they don't live in your home, only you and your wife know what is best for your family and don't let anyone here or anywhere tell you any different. She is your baby and you and your wife are her "experts".

 
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#14 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 04:22 PM - Thead Starter
 
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As far as the bassinet at night goes.. Don't put her in it during the day. Use the swing, tummy time on the floor...the carseat, a bouncy seat. But not the bassinet.
This is a very good idea. We will try this. I didn't think about it being a problem..
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#15 of 25 Old 02-14-2009, 11:25 PM
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I agree with Shona, she has said what I was going to, Baby thinks the bassinet is a playpen not a bed.

I don't know if you have a bouncinette http://www.productreview.com.au/show...?item_id=42398 but they are brilliant. I just noticed that it says from 3mnths, but all three of my children were in them from new born. I made a cover for them so they didn't get their fingers caught tho. In the bouncinette baby can see you, you can make eye contact and talk to her about what you are doing etc.

If she has a favourite stuffed animal try and keep it just for bassinette time.

My youngest two kids slept in their own room next door to ours, my eldest slept in my room bc there was no where else for him to sleep, when he was two we bought a house and he finally got his own room and what a nightmare that turned out to be. After sleeping in my room for two years he was incrediably upset about having to sleep in his own room, it took me mnths to get him into a proper sleep pattern again but one night he just 'clicked' and he was happy to sleep in his own room.

Do you have a night light in your room? Maybe you should leave it off unless you need the light at the time, having it dark in the room will also help her to understand the difference between daytime and sleep time.

When she does cry at night I wouldn't actively engage her, cuddle, rock, hum, croon to her but don't talk to her, limit eye contact with her and put her back down as soon as you possibly can.

Mostly just try and have a routine that is just for bedtime so she knows that when a specific routine happens that means it is time to sleep not play. Night feeds should be the same, feed, change back to bed (altho if you are like my hubby the only times he really got to spend with the boys was doing the night feeds and he tended to do a lot of cuddling and 'deep and meaningful' talks with the boys in the night and they don't appeared to have suffered by it at all

Most of all, good luck with your daughter and may you and your wife enjoy this time with her, it really does go by so incrediably fast.

and another thing remember, every else will have opinions and most of the time you will get it whether you want it or not. Listen to it, take what bits make sense for your family and discard the rest, each family is different and each child within the family is different, if it doesn't work for your family, disregard the advice and don't beat yourself up over ignoring your mother/grandmother/best friend/favourite aunty, it is your family so the two of you make the rules that work for you.
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#16 of 25 Old 02-15-2009, 09:27 AM
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Oh, I don't still cosleep with all the kids if that's what you're thinking I only cosleep full time until around 10 months!
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#17 of 25 Old 02-15-2009, 01:45 PM
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You've gotten some great replies so far and I don't have much to add other than to say Congratulations on the birth of your little girl!
I have an almost 3 yr old co-sleeper and quite honestly, it drives me nuts. We picked up the (IMO) bad habit because I'm a single mother and it was easier to bring her to bed with me when she would cry than lose sleep and still have to go to work the next day ... little did I know that years later I would be losing sleep because I have a kicker in bed with me.
I agree with the ladies who said that the bassinet should be strictly for sleeping ... don't let her associate it with play time! Also some sort of swaddling and a sleep positioner http://www.epinions.com/review/The_F...t_137851801220
will help her feel tucked in and close.

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I'd love to be the ideal mother but I'm too busy raising my kids.

Haley Olivia 8-17-96 ~ Zachary Tyler 4-30-01 ~ Asher Mackenzie born an angel 2-26-03 ~ Brenna Grace 5-4-06
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#18 of 25 Old 02-15-2009, 08:58 PM
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OH yeah get a swaddling blanket...that helped Lucas sleep fairly well early on!
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#19 of 25 Old 02-16-2009, 11:34 AM
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Shane and I said early on no. We did not want it to become a problem later on for one reason and for another. Shane and I are very restless sleepers, we wake up with bumps and bruises from sometimes in the night of hitting, kicking, elbowing one another in our sleep w/o us knowing it. So we definately said NO. lol
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#20 of 25 Old 02-16-2009, 02:12 PM
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the other ladies have said everything so well. we didn't co sleep. i couldn't do it. we had a routine set up though from day one bath bottle and bed. and he is an awesome sleeper to this day.

i agree that she might be associating the bassinet to awake time. oh and that she is way to young to cry it out.

Congratulations on your precious little girl!

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#21 of 25 Old 02-16-2009, 04:11 PM
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I think you should find a new doctor. It's not dangerous to co-sleep if you do it correctly. I have co-slept with almost all of my children with no problems. All of them naturally moved to their own space by a year old.

Your baby is way to young to let her cry it out. I wouldn't suggest that before a year old. Answering a babys cries makes her feel secure. Security=good sleeper in the long run. It's normal for babys to need you at night and it will get better as time goes on.
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#22 of 25 Old 02-16-2009, 06:05 PM
 
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Lots of good advice. Definately do not do anything but sleep in her bed. I co-slept with my children and breastfed. It felt right and was easy. They also made easy transitions to their own cribs and beds. My first slept with us for most of his first year and our second just the first couple of months as he slept better in his own space and his brother was already in his own bed and we didn't want everyone back in our bed. I agree with Shona and don't believe in a family bed although I do like letting the kids sleep with us sometimes. It really depends on the child as well as the family. Has your wife tried wearing your daughter during the day? My kids loved that and they were upright, out of the beds an awake more. May be a possibility. It makes it easy to get things done too. As for crying it out--she is way too young. She needs to know you are there now. You can not spoil her now. If she's crying pick her up. I would put my pj's top or nightgown over the mattress and tuck it in and lay the baby on top of it (swaddled) and that really seemed to help. It seems like you are doing everything right!
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#23 of 25 Old 02-16-2009, 09:42 PM
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That's what I was thinking, too, Tara. I would not (did not) stay with a doctor whom did not support my parenting decisions.

 
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#24 of 25 Old 04-16-2009, 02:59 PM
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I will say no I will scream let them learn to sleep on their own!! My one year old still have to come in my bed around 3 or 4am because she cant go back to sleep and she is so used to sleeping with me...I hate it so much but itz al my fault! I am still tryna break her..she do pretty g00d with going to bed...i do bath, book, milk, bed..but my problem is that she dont sleep thur the night alone!! So if anyone can help me that will be great!!
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#25 of 25 Old 04-17-2009, 01:05 AM
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Tiffany, I can tell you that Destiny will outgrow this. Emily started sleeping in her own bed just before she turned 2, but most nights she would wake up and come to our bed at some point. We didn't change anything or push the issue, but eventually, with no real problem or effort, she just started sleeping through the night. This was before Travis was born, and she was a little over 3 1/2 when Travis was born, so I am guessing she was about 3 when she started sleeping in her own bed all night. Hang in there. I promise Destiny won't be 15 and still coming and getting in bed with you at night!

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Emily 1/11/03
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