It sounds like you have many stressful and complicated things going on at the same time, and I can understand that you are upset about the temper tantrums. I think it is possible that they are caused by the upheaval you've experienced and it may take a while for them to calm down. I doubt very much whether he is angry with you, although your guilt about working may be affecting your interactions with him which is why it happens more with you. It is also possible that his tantrums are simply age appropriate. Older babies start to express themselves in all sorts of ways and anger, frustration and temper tantrums can be a part of that.
While you don't want to "spoil" him, it is not spoiling him to give him love and attention. And sleeping in your bed does not make him needy. As long as you and your husband agree that it is what you want, many families practice co-sleeping. It is, however, important for him to learn to put himself to sleep rather than having you rock, hold or nurse him to sleep. This is a very important developmental skill that he will need his whole life.
I get the sense that you are unhappy with the current arrangement of you working and your husband being home. I wonder if it's possible for you to each work part-time, or if there is some other arrangement that would make you feel more involved in your son's life. These are important questions that you need to address in your marriage.
Last, you should not worry that an eleven month old that has temper tantrums will necessarily become a child that has them. Baby tantrums are more about frustration at not being able to talk and walk and require gentleness and patience (although not necessarily giving in to superficial things) and older tantrums are more about not getting their way and should be dealt with by not giving in to them.
I really think that for you the tantrums are related to all your and your baby's emotional stress along with normal development. Take care of yourself, make yourself happier and you'll be better able to cope with his tantrums. Lots of luck to you.