11 month old temper tantrums - BabyUniversity.com - Baby and parenting forums and reviews
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#1 of 2 Old 06-28-2001, 03:00 PM - Thead Starter
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I hope you can help, I am at wit's end. I have an 11 month old who up untill now has been such a happy baby. As of late he has started to have the most horrible temper tantrums. I guess it is necessary to give some background as to changes that have taken place in our lives. 3 months ago we lost our house in the floods we had in MA. After 3 months of living back and forth between my parent's and sister's house we are finally back home. My son has started throwing temper tantrums where he throws himself around ofetn times hitting his head. Often times is unconsolable even when we pick him up. I work and my husband stays home with him. My husband has said he sees this happening most only when I am home. I am so afraid he is going to hurt himself. He is starting to do this more and more now with either of us. He is still nursng when I am home and has my attention from the minute I walk in the door. Could he be angry with me? Why would this start occurring now? Is this normal? I am concerned that I have created hime to be too needy allowing him to sleep with me and never allowing him to cry. I feel so much guilt having to work so maybe I allowed that cloud me judgement a bit. I do not want him to become
a child who screams and throws a temper tantrum everytime he does not get what he wants. Is there anything you can advise?
Thanks you in advance,
amy is offline  
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#2 of 2 Old 07-02-2001, 04:30 PM
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Hi Amy,
It sounds like you have many stressful and complicated things going on at the same time, and I can understand that you are upset about the temper tantrums. I think it is possible that they are caused by the upheaval you've experienced and it may take a while for them to calm down. I doubt very much whether he is angry with you, although your guilt about working may be affecting your interactions with him which is why it happens more with you. It is also possible that his tantrums are simply age appropriate. Older babies start to express themselves in all sorts of ways and anger, frustration and temper tantrums can be a part of that.

While you don't want to "spoil" him, it is not spoiling him to give him love and attention. And sleeping in your bed does not make him needy. As long as you and your husband agree that it is what you want, many families practice co-sleeping. It is, however, important for him to learn to put himself to sleep rather than having you rock, hold or nurse him to sleep. This is a very important developmental skill that he will need his whole life.

I get the sense that you are unhappy with the current arrangement of you working and your husband being home. I wonder if it's possible for you to each work part-time, or if there is some other arrangement that would make you feel more involved in your son's life. These are important questions that you need to address in your marriage.

Last, you should not worry that an eleven month old that has temper tantrums will necessarily become a child that has them. Baby tantrums are more about frustration at not being able to talk and walk and require gentleness and patience (although not necessarily giving in to superficial things) and older tantrums are more about not getting their way and should be dealt with by not giving in to them.

I really think that for you the tantrums are related to all your and your baby's emotional stress along with normal development. Take care of yourself, make yourself happier and you'll be better able to cope with his tantrums. Lots of luck to you.
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