Hi I am new to this chat, but I can identify with your situation! There has been a decade long dispute between my fiance and his ex (they seperated before their daughter was born). They have been to court 12 times (I kid you not!) and he has been accused of everything under the sun. Dispite this eventually she is always found to be unreliable and he is granted his access. We enjoy a great relationship with the child despite a two hour seperation, but access is a constant struggle. I hate to be a downer, but even with court ordered visits and holidays, his ex has successfully avoided many planned holidays and special events. Not to mention the "bad" things that we understand she says about us to her children (she has two others, with two different fathers). We do not ever speak. The fact that you can communicate at all with this woman is acutally a good thing. There is no way to guarantee plans I am afraid, I am really struggling with this one myself. We are finally planning our wedding for the summer and due to all the manipulating on the ex's end, it is now a real possibility that she will prevent our stepdaughter from attending. And she is dying to be in our wedding party! Anyhow, sorry for the long reply, but I have really discovered that you can go crazy trying to depend on someone who is not dependable! Not to mention all the feelings on their end that you have no hope of really understanding! I have been looking at it from every angle, but I have just finally decided that I do not have control and that to try will probably put me in the funny farm! I would say court is a waste of time, but it can be helpful in establishing some regularity. Sometimes a well worded letter, that looks like an friendly offer can go a long way. If you can make it look like they are winning something in the arrangement, the bio mom feels empowered and may not keep trying to change things up. I mean, it helps for her to make plans she can count on too, right? In theory anyhow. Worth a try, take care and good luck.