Okay...this is hard for me to admit but.... - BabyUniversity.com - Baby and parenting forums and reviews
User Tag List

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 13 Old 03-04-2007, 09:50 PM - Thead Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 30
Likes Earned: 0
Likes Given: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am having a hard time being a step mom........... We have really just started having my step daughter over in the last year or so. And we only have her one Saturday night here and there. I think it makes it hard for me to develop a bond with her the way I want and feel I should. She seems to really like me and wants to do things with us. And I want the same with her. I just don't feel the way with her I do with my children (which I know it will never be quite the same). I find it too easy to say it would be easier if she didn't come over this weekend b/c something is going on. When I feel I should treat her more like my own. Now, David is always here when she's over. He doesn't want to leave me with all four kids and I agree. But should I have to keep all four since they are all my children/step children?!?! I feel weird about this whole situation sometimes. I have a hard time adapting I guess. I just hate feeling this way sometimes. I feel bad. Is it normal?
DianaLynn is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 13 Old 03-04-2007, 10:00 PM
Newbie
 
dbl13s's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 0
Likes Earned: 0
Likes Given: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes completely normal!!

I have 2 step children.... this year they will be 13 and 10...

At first it was very hard. And it still is. My relationship with the kids with never be what I would like. But then again that's because their mother is a ding bat!! I guess that's a whole other topic, huh??

I've been a step mom for 5 years here soon... If you wanna talk just PM me!!
dbl13s is offline  
#3 of 13 Old 03-04-2007, 10:09 PM - Thead Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 30
Likes Earned: 0
Likes Given: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks! I will probably do that.

But it helps already to hear it is normal. It's so frustrating!
DianaLynn is offline  
 
#4 of 13 Old 03-04-2007, 11:47 PM
Moderator
 
Grace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: La La Land
Posts: 26,987
Likes Earned: 26
Likes Given: 12
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not a stepmother, but I think it's perfectly normal. It sounds like you are trying your best and really do love her. I think that's all that's required.

 
 “
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Euripides
 

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
”- John Barrymore “
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Grace is offline  
#5 of 13 Old 03-05-2007, 12:24 PM - Thead Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 30
Likes Earned: 0
Likes Given: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grace
I'm not a stepmother, but I think it's perfectly normal. It sounds like you are trying your best and really do love her. I think that's all that's required.

Thanks!
DianaLynn is offline  
#6 of 13 Old 03-05-2007, 04:43 PM
Special Member
 
Dawn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 6,706
Likes Earned: 0
Likes Given: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well I can totally relate ... I've been a stepmother for almost 12 years and I don't feel that bond. Of course, we barely get to see my SD and she's so afraid her mother will be angry at her if she 'likes me' (this was actually told to DH's sister) so I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.

But yes, I'd say what you are feeling is perfectly normal!
Dawn is offline  
#7 of 13 Old 03-05-2007, 05:35 PM
Addicted Member
 
dinapooh2's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Owasso, OK
Posts: 11,331
Likes Earned: 0
Likes Given: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it's perfectly normal. Lenora's right. You're heart's in the right place, and that's all that's required.
dinapooh2 is offline  
#8 of 13 Old 03-05-2007, 05:38 PM - Thead Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 30
Likes Earned: 0
Likes Given: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dawn
Well I can totally relate ... I've been a stepmother for almost 12 years and I don't feel that bond. Of course, we barely get to see my SD and she's so afraid her mother will be angry at her if she 'likes me' (this was actually told to DH's sister) so I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.

But yes, I'd say what you are feeling is perfectly normal!

Yeah, I sometimes wonder how my SD's mother feels about me. I don't dislike her but I am not to fond her of her sometimes b/c of the way she acts like she can just walk all over David. Calling at last minute for everything. I understand last minute things can happen but hello, he has three other children also! He missed a game and I explained she to her that she called last minute and we weren't able to get the kids ready and get there. And she responded with "well he can always come alone, she would still like that." It made me wonder if she even thinks about the fact he does have to help take care of the kids and that with his job he doesn't always get as much time with his other kids. That conversation was a little longer but it was the last conversation I will have with her. I should'nt have to defend David, she needs to talk to him and we told her that. But, of course, she won't say anything like that to him. Also, she is not married and sometimes I wonder if she doesn't still have feelings for David and that bothers me. Now, these things don't affect how I treat my SD and I try really hard not to show any irritation but it can be so frustrating. I definately understand DD's step mom a lot more now than I used to. I understand why she was nervous about me and Jamie be alone or whatever. And now she and I are kinda friends. I just hope that David and I can go to court soon and get things settled so it is a set schedule. I am afraid if I don't bond with my SD now, then it will only get harder as she gets older.

I am sorry you have to deal with that situation Dawn!!!
DianaLynn is offline  
#9 of 13 Old 03-05-2007, 05:39 PM - Thead Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 30
Likes Earned: 0
Likes Given: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you Dina!!!
DianaLynn is offline  
#10 of 13 Old 03-05-2007, 06:28 PM
Addicted Member
 
dinapooh2's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Owasso, OK
Posts: 11,331
Likes Earned: 0
Likes Given: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, I'm not a stepmother, but I did have two. And dad had a myriad of girlfriends, too. So, I understand the part of the stepdaughter, some.

My first stepmother (my dad's 2nd wife) was a . I was 9 when they married. I wanted SOOO much to have a good relationship with her. But she didn't want to have anything to do with me unless there was something in it for her. And she made it well-known that she didn't want us there. She wanted the wedding and the house and someone to take care of her. She didn't want to work. She wanted to be pampered. Don't know why she married my dad if that's what she wanted. They divorced when I was 18.

My second stepmother was great (dad's 3rd wife). She made it a point to try to include me in whatever they did (within reason) because she knew how badly my dad's ex had treated us. If they were going to the fair, or if she was going shopping with her daughter, they'd invite me. But it's not like I was there once a week or anything. I didn't always go when they invited me, but it was nice to at least be thought of. But I was older, too, and I understood more and we had similar interests. They married when I was 19 (I think). We always got along great. They are divorced now, and I actually talk to her more than I do my dad.

When my stepdad and mom married, my mom had a hard time finding things that she had in common with my stepsister. Her nerves were shot a lot of the time when all of us kids were there. (Of course, my stepdad didn't really help a whole lot back then, either.) But she would try to find something that Diane liked to do that her mom wouldn't do with her, and they'd try to do that together (or the 3 of us would do it together) to try to have some kind of "bonding time".

dinapooh2 is offline  
#11 of 13 Old 03-06-2007, 12:32 PM - Thead Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 30
Likes Earned: 0
Likes Given: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dinapooh2
Well, I'm not a stepmother, but I did have two. And dad had a myriad of girlfriends, too. So, I understand the part of the stepdaughter, some.

My first stepmother (my dad's 2nd wife) was a . I was 9 when they married. I wanted SOOO much to have a good relationship with her. But she didn't want to have anything to do with me unless there was something in it for her. And she made it well-known that she didn't want us there. She wanted the wedding and the house and someone to take care of her. She didn't want to work. She wanted to be pampered. Don't know why she married my dad if that's what she wanted. They divorced when I was 18.

My second stepmother was great (dad's 3rd wife). She made it a point to try to include me in whatever they did (within reason) because she knew how badly my dad's ex had treated us. If they were going to the fair, or if she was going shopping with her daughter, they'd invite me. But it's not like I was there once a week or anything. I didn't always go when they invited me, but it was nice to at least be thought of. But I was older, too, and I understood more and we had similar interests. They married when I was 19 (I think). We always got along great. They are divorced now, and I actually talk to her more than I do my dad.

When my stepdad and mom married, my mom had a hard time finding things that she had in common with my stepsister. Her nerves were shot a lot of the time when all of us kids were there. (Of course, my stepdad didn't really help a whole lot back then, either.) But she would try to find something that Diane liked to do that her mom wouldn't do with her, and they'd try to do that together (or the 3 of us would do it together) to try to have some kind of "bonding time".

Wow. Sorry to hear that your first step mom was such a witch. I am trying really hard not to be like that. I do try to include my step daughter in a lot of things. I always like to do things with all the kids when David and I are both here. I have a hard time having all of them by myself though. Which I guess is normal with four kids! She is not into the things that my DD is so that makes it a little different. But its kinda funny, she doesn't play with barbies or anything at her moms but she will here. And I try to play that kinda stuff with her and my daughter when I have the time. She is more into nintendos, games, and cartoons but I try to limit the nintendos and cartoons. I need to sit down and play more with them. She definately seems to like me, though, as normal, she had some issues learning to adjust to me being a parental figure at first. But that is getting better. I just think it would be easier to bond if she was here more or on a more set schedule at least.
DianaLynn is offline  
#12 of 13 Old 03-06-2007, 09:05 PM - Thead Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 30
Likes Earned: 0
Likes Given: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dbl13s
Yes completely normal!!

I have 2 step children.... this year they will be 13 and 10...

At first it was very hard. And it still is. My relationship with the kids with never be what I would like. But then again that's because their mother is a ding bat!! I guess that's a whole other topic, huh??

I've been a step mom for 5 years here soon... If you wanna talk just PM me!!
Did you get my pm?
DianaLynn is offline  
#13 of 13 Old 08-14-2009, 10:04 PM
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3
Likes Earned: 0
Likes Given: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
wow andrea, i had no clue, not that i had any reason to know, hehe.....dh didnt live with his real dad either..... well for 2 years that is it....... then his parents sepereated..anyway, dh just spent a couple days with his real dad in Toronto......
Saseydon is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the BabyUniversity.com - Baby and parenting forums and reviews forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off