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  Topic Review (Newest First)
11-06-2002 10:57 PM
Meagan So true Dawn!
11-06-2002 10:29 PM
Dawn If nothing else Meagan, I know where they are when they are crying. LOL
11-06-2002 09:26 PM
Meagan Yes Dawn I agree once there is more than one it is a totally different ball game. Maddie might be crying and I am doing something with Gavin that I can not leave him alone and it works both ways on that. I think I did a lot more running around when it was just Gavin.
11-06-2002 08:17 PM
Ekim Sometimes, I have to let him cry just for my own sanity, but I don't let him cry for more than 5 minutes. He'll sometimes cry and then fall asleep on his own.
11-06-2002 06:29 PM
Dawn You have to pick your battles depending on the situation. When there's only one baby, it's easy to say "pick him/her up everytime they cry". But when you have a whole houseful, it's not that easy. Many times, it's just an attempt at getting more attention than the next kid. And if I cave, then the next one starts crying because he knows I'll come running. Next thing you know, I have 3 kids crying.

When Tyler was much younger, he used to be so tired that he'd fight sleep. He was so afraid of missing something. If everything was OK -- he had eaten, was not wet or dirty, temperature in his room was OK, I sometimes had to let him cry himself to sleep. There's a point where you know it's not going to work and is going to cause more problems by getting the baby very upset.

At 10 months, he's still afraid of missing out on something and I still have to let him cry himself to sleep at times. Five minutes is my rule ... if he's not asleep within 5 minutes, I go get him, let him play a few more minutes, then try again.

I let my first one control my every waking moment (and sleeping ones for that matter) and to this day she is still very demanding and expects you to come running at her command. Not sure whether I can blame it on never letting her cry it out or not.

I think you have to do what you think is best for your own child and realize that you are going to get lots of conflicting advice because we all have different parenting styles and we ALL think that we are doing the best thing for our babies.
11-06-2002 06:12 PM
Liz&NicksMom I answered yes but it totally depends.......there are some days where even now I let Liz cry it out....but as a newborn no I didn't
11-06-2002 05:23 PM
lizb1975 I know that from personal experience letting Logan cry does everything opposite from what other mothers had told me. Out of desperation from lack of sleep I decided to let Logan CIO one night to see if he would put himself to sleep. Boy was I wrong He cried for 30 min in his crib while I checked to make sure he was safe. He never went to sleep on his own and it took me 2 hours to calm him down. It was so traumatizing to both of us that I have not tried that again, nor will I ever suggest that method to any mother in the future. Just my
11-02-2002 02:53 PM
DarkJade LOL...I think Maree put it down perfectly....Plus poor little pumpkin has to suffer when he decides to wait when mommy is on the toilet and kinda caught at the moment......

I've had some many "advice" to start training them young as far as schedules and just letting them cry for the sake of crying...and I basically ask someone......"How would you feel if I dropped you in a country where no one spoked your language and people started to do things you couldn't understand to you....."

In a way...a newborn is in a foreign country where no one speaks his or her language....she/he has no idea what's going on and as far as they are concerned...being left to cry and no one answering is close to murder.......

Until Jacob can start telling me in words or gibberish what's wrong...I can't imagine just sitting there going "Just let them cry"...

It was really interesting how many people kept telling me to just let him cry and to start training him now...that I had to see what "REAL MOTHERS" thought about that......Lol

I can see when they are able to talk and respond to teach them that crying for the sake of crying won't get them anything....but when they aren't able to formulate sentences or comprehend what's going on....That's just plain mean mommy to just leave them hanging......

It kills me that Jacob can't tell me what's going on and sometimes being a mommy, I'm too slow to catch on quick enough for him....It's like being able to only speak English and going to China and trying to convey what you need to a Chinese speaker......
11-02-2002 09:32 AM
jeana I have agree 100% with what Maree said.
11-02-2002 12:35 AM
AutumnGirl At 3 weeks, babies shouldn't be allowed to just cry it out. They are brand new in this world and need something if they are crying. At 4-6 months...maybe then I would start thinking about letting them cry a little (key words: a little!)
11-02-2002 12:09 AM
Tara I can't believe someone would suggest that!!! Just goes to show their education.
11-01-2002 11:41 PM
Stink_Momma I do not believe in letting them cry, ESPECIALLY at 3 weeks. I was told over and over, by my pediatrician and others, that you can not spoil a newborn. They need to feel love and protected and you are supposed to give that to them! That way they grow up feeling secure, it makes them more confident because they know when they venture away, you will be there when they come back. LOVE HIM, LOVE HIM, LOVE HIM!!! Don't listen to who ever that is telling you that! I didn't try CIO until DS was 9 months old and it didn't go over well. So I stopped and went back to rocking him to sleep. Then at about 11 months, he just started sleeping great. I can lay him down and off to sleep he goes! I am a BIG non-believer in the "experts" who say start at birth with putting baby on a schedule, feed at exact time, whether they cry to eat at other times or not, put to bed and have them cry out. I think that is so cruel! DH and I didn't always get along when it came to this topic, but I always did what felt right in my heart and that was to comfort him when he needs me. He is now a very independent 14 month old but comes by to hug and kiss mommy often!!
11-01-2002 11:34 PM
DQKaren I agre with maree totally. Well said!
11-01-2002 10:47 PM
Meagan Ok that is what I was trying to say Maree only you said it so much better!
11-01-2002 10:40 PM
Lady Knight Greg was never the crying type so he never got left to cry, and sometimes even at 2 - 3 weeks the twins would have to cry for a few minutes bc I was in the middle of changing, feeding, bathing his brother and those are not things you can stop in the middle of LOL.

I don't believe in letting a child cry to:

A) Exercise his lungs ???? (you mean breathing in and out repeatedly several times a minute is not exercise enough)

B) Not let him get spoiled (He is a baby, what is he gonna do, grow up and demand more love and hugs?? Gee what a horrible thought )

C) Amuse himself. (If he was amused he would not be crying)

D) Teach him not to be so demanding (He's a baby, demanding is at the top of the job description list)

However, it does not hurt a baby to cry for the few minutes it takes you to finish going to the toilet
11-01-2002 10:30 PM
Mumtoboo Beautifully and elequently said, Jade- Jared is 5.5 mos, and I still
hurry to him when ever he cries !

My take is, you're getting flak for caring for your child in the manner that you best see fit- Stick to your guns, Hon, and tell the rest of the world to take a flying at a rolling donut !!
11-01-2002 10:28 PM
Meagan At 3 weeks I think that is too young to let them just sit and cry. If they are crying it is for a good reason and that is their way of trying to tell you something. Once they reach the age of Maddie who is almost 14 months..well I am not jumping and running anymore when she cries (depends on the cry of course). They get to a certain age that crying for a few seconds is not going to hurt them...that may sound harsh.. But sometimes Maddie is just fussing and there is nothing I can do to make it better and have made sure she is not hungry, hurt, wet etc.
11-01-2002 09:58 PM
Jewel I didnt start leaving him to cry until he was around 8 months. That was after going down the check list at least 2-3 times.
11-01-2002 05:58 PM
DarkJade *nod* that's what I'm doing....Until Jacob can start talking and TELL me what he needs...I'm not going to discourage crying at all...It scares me to not hear him cry period.....

I don't believe in the "let them cry it's good for their lungs" theory...So far everytime he's cried (like he did 10 minutes) ago..It was for a reason...

In this guess...A 5.00 worth of quarter size poopy in the diaper....I can't imagine someone letting him just "cry to soothe himself" method....

No matter where I am...I listen to him and the monitor for sounds of crying......When he cry's that's as close as he can get right now to "Mommy I need you.." and so what if he wants to be held....I can't think of anything more important than loving your child...unless of course you're DH's mom who has a different idea of "love".........

One day Jacob is going to be 18 years old...He's own person and I'm going to have to let him go because he will have his own life to live....Right now why he's a baby...I'm going to smother him with all the love I can to let him know he's cared for. he's protected and I'm here for him because one day I won't be able to because he won't need his mom there, he'll have his own life...until then he needs me now....
11-01-2002 05:51 PM
DarkJade I think I must be just too patient and laid back...LOL...It would seem letting them cry for the sake of crying kinda backfires because it teaches them that people don't care whether than the case of people do care...

So far I've been lucky with Jacob in that he never cries unless he needs something so when he does cry and he's been fed or diaper has been cleaned...that alerts me to "something is wrong"...It scares me at the idea of getting use to hearing him cry that I don't react.....

I want him to cry if he needs me because the hardest part will be the day when I have to step back and let him take care of his own self, because he won't need me anymore then....I don't want to regret then not being there for him when he was a baby and taking care of him then....
11-01-2002 05:50 PM
Wendy wow I can't believe someone told you to let a 3 week old cry They cry for a reason. I have a hard time letting Christian cry now and he is 2.

He does cry when he is punished but that is to be expected! The boy can't sit in one spot for 2 minutes for his time outs....lol.

Experts will even tell you that babies need you even at 7 months(I think some people start the crying out method here) I guess I figure until he can talk where I can actually understand why he is so upset he needs me to baby him, unless he is being bad then no babying for him!
11-01-2002 05:40 PM
AWKSMOM I so agree with you!! I have NEVER let Alexander cry it out and never will. Even at two, whenever he is crying (unless it's because he's being punished or told no, you get the picture) I rush to his side. I can't imagine just letting him cry in order to learn to soothe himself.

And for someone to suggest this to you for a three-week old is just crazy. Babies and kids depend on us and what does it hurt to take a few minutes to soothe them? Who cares if the laundry piles up and the dishes don't get cleaned?

I love your philosophy and support you 100%!! We have to enjoy our little ones for as long as possible because the day will come when they won't need us so much.
11-01-2002 05:21 PM
DarkJade Just curious on your thoughts of this....I was told to just let my soon to be 3 week son cry for the sake of crying so he can learn to "soothe himself..."

Uhm...he is only 3 weeks old and can't tell me what's going on..

I've found when he cries it's usually

1. Hungry
2. Dirty Diaper
3. Dog licking his foot and he (baby) doesn't know what this blurry white thing is doing to him
4. Hungry
5. Hungry
6. Hungry
and last of all
7. Hungry

I don't agree with the let my son cry to start learning to soothe himself.....He can't tell me what he wants....

However...lately Jacob doesn't cry ( or rather howl like a banshee being beaten up by 3 IRS agents) as much lately since I've been feeding him more often and the only time he does cry is when I change his diapers, give him a bath, tell him what the world is really like.....you get the idea

The "advice" didn't sound right to me at all....For beginners...Jacob has been more content lately since I've been feeding on demand and I don't worry about him crying and when he does cry...it's usually something I have to take care of...Like dirty diapers, mommy accidently taping the diaper to the side of his leg so now he has plumber's crack and air going down one's tush apparently isn't comfortable...Bad mommy bad mommy...

But more than anything...when he cries and his diapers are fine and he has been more than well-fed...I give him what he is needing the most of and is crying for.......LOVE

My son is only going to be a baby once and one day he isn't going to need me anymore and will be grown up....I'm not ready to make him face the world alone at 3 weeks...So he doesn't cry every 5 minutes......and when he does...It doesn't take anything out of my day to say..."Hey the laundry isn't that important...My son needs me..."

I'm going to enjoy him everyday as much as I can until the one day comes and he is able to take care of himself....that is going to be a hard day for me....and I'm not in a hurry to rush it....Meantime...Here is this precious little miracle with a great set of lungs....So mommy loves him and wants to do what she can to help him grow....But to let him cry until he soothes himself then feed him...I don't think so...

If he cries...I'm there....

Was curious what your take on this was.........

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